The Not Too Distant Future
by shannyfish
Summary: Alex wakes up being told that she's lost eight years of her life and that the world as she knew it is effectively over. The reality is hard for Alex to cope with, especially when flashes she doesn't understand keep plaguing her. #4 - "Count Me In" series
1. Who Lives?

"The truth is out there." ~ The X-Files

* * *

For a moment, Alex wasn't sure where she was. She blinked, trying to put everything into focus. From the ceiling she was certain that she was at work. The DEO? Why was she at the DEO? The last thing she remembered...Alex realized she wasn't sure what the last thing she remembered. Slowly, she sat up and groaned. She hurt. She hurt everywhere, but especially her head.

Sitting up, she realized that she couldn't be at the DEO. It was a bedroom, but at the same time, she knew that the room she was in had been an office. It looked exactly like the DEO and it was definitely supposed to be an office, but someone had gone to great lengths to make it appear as a bedroom, a well used one at that. The normally clear glass walls had been painted to afford some privacy. There were nightstands on either side of the bed, the one she was staring at had a picture of her and Kara, but it looked old and distressed. She picked it up and stared at it. She loved this picture. They were both smiling and happy, even though she couldn't bring up the exact memory, she knew that it was a favorite.

What was going on?

Setting the picture back into its place, she realized that she was cold because she really wasn't wearing much besides matching black camisole and underwear. There was what appeared to be a wardrobe off to the right and a mirror top dresser to the left of the bed. She got to her feet, nearly fell, and decided to sit on the left side of the bed for few minutes instead. Whatever was going on, she was not sure of her own legs or weight.

Alex felt like she was hungover and had the flu all at the same time. She held her head and just focused on breathing. What the hell had happened? Where was she? It was troubling her that she didn't know what the last thing she remembered was and was pushing herself. She'd thought about calling out, but she didn't know exactly where she was or what was going on and if she was being held captive, then she didn't want to have them hurrying in there. Though, if she _was_ being held, it was the oddest prison she'd ever seen the inside of.

Again, she tried to stand and her body was a little more tolerant of it. She still held onto the side of the bed as she moved towards where she was hoping clothes and some shoes would be. She shifted to the left suddenly as she felt like she was going to fall, Alex's hands fell onto the dresser top in order to help support her weight. She huffed out a breath as she struggled to stay upright.

What was wrong with her?

Her head snapped up and she stared back at herself in it. It was then that she realized that like the nightstand, the dresser mirror was adorned with distressed pictures. The ones of her and Kara or the ones with her parents, they all seemed odd but okay. It was the pictures of her and Maxwell Lord looking far too close that sent her head spinning and Alex couldn't keep herself up. Her legs gave out underneath her and she crumpled to the floor.

It didn't make sense.

Something was wrong.

As she looked around, she kept thinking that it looked like she was in the DEO, but that wasn't possible. Everything was wrong. Nothing felt right. Alex tried to come to grips with what was possibly going on. She needed to figure it out because nothing made sense. Was she sick? Was this all a dream? Nightmare? Hallucination? Something like the Black Mercy? This wasn't some kind of idyllic life for her, so she scratched the actual Black Mercy off of the list. Some kind of torture? Was someone trying to get information out of her? Some kind of alien tech? It didn't make sense to her that she was captured and then someone had set up the room like it was.

Breathe.

You have to get out.

Alex decided that she just needed to get out of that room and to figure out what was going on. There were only so many clues (or further confusion) she was going to get out of that room. First, though, she needed to get dressed. She pulled open the drawers and yanked out a set of clothes. She'd tried to ignore that half of the drawers were filled with men's clothing, she hadn't missed the Lord Technology shirts. It took her longer than normal for her to get dressed, but she tried to not let that get in the way of what she'd decided was her mission. Acquiring shows had taken a bit longer, but she'd finally found a pair of running shoes under the bed that looked like they were hers.

Before she could get up off of the floor, the door was opened. Alex didn't have enough time to move, but it didn't seem like she had to from the reaction she got. It was Maxwell Lord, dressed a lot more casually than Alex was used to see him. He seemed completely masked in concern and worry as he moved towards her. "You're awake," he whispered. "What are you doing on the floor?"

Pushing herself back, she kept her eyes on him. "What have you done, Max?"

"What are you talking about?" he asked and stood there just staring down at her. "I've been doing what you did for me last month. I've been making sure that you made it through the fever."

"What fever?"

"Alex, let me help you up onto the bed and we can talk about this," Max said and took another step towards her.

"No!" Alex shouted at him. "I want to know where I am! I want to know what's going on!"

Max sighed. "Sweetheart, I don't think the fever's broken yet… Please, just let me help you back into bed."

"Tell me what I want to know!"

"We're at the DEO facility outside of National City, Alex," Max told her gently as he crouched down. "You know that. It was your idea for us to come here."

"This isn't the DEO-"

"Sweethe-"

"Don't call me that!" Alex yelled. It was freaking her out. Whatever was going on, it was twisted and Alex wanted out of it. She wanted to wake up if it was a nightmare, at this point, she wondered if it could honestly be anything else.

"Okay," Max breathed. "Can you tell me the last thing you remember?"

That was a problem. She didn't _know_ for sure what the last thing she remembered. The confusion was even more frustrating as she searched her own memory for answers. "I-"

"You don't know," he whispered. A beat passed. "It's the fever, Alex."

"Where's Kara? I want to talk to Kara!" She didn't need to wait for his response to know that that had struck something in him. It wasn't anger or disdain, but grief. The look on his face at Kara's name was enough to make her want to throw up. " _What_?"

"Alex, please just let me get you back into bed."

The fact that he wasn't answering her questions was scaring her. " _Tell me_!"

"I don't know what year you think it is-"

"Two thousand sixteen," spilled out of her mouth without Alex thinking about it.

Max sighed and covered his downturned face for a moment. He was silent and he seemed to be thinking about a response. "Swee-Alex," he said as he looked directly at her again. "If you think it's two thousand and sixteen, then you probably think I'm about the worst person in the world…" He looked incredibly heartbroken. "It's been _eight years_ , Alex, and the world isn't anywhere near what you remember it to be…"

"We're in the DEO?"

"Please, let me put you in bed and then I'll explain everything? I promise," Max offered.

Alex tried to get up, but she wasn't quite as strong as she had wanted herself to be. "Okay," she finally gave up.

Surprisingly, Max was gentle with her. He scooped her up and gently set her back into the left side of the bed and then removed her shoes. "You weren't wearing much because of the fever," he explained. "It's been going around."

"What is it?"

"We've been trying to work on a vaccine for it, but we haven't gotten far."

"You said you'd explain."

"Right." Max moved to set her shoes under the bed before reaching out and pulling open the bedside table drawer and removing a small journal from inside. He handed it to her. "I don't know how far back you write, but then at least it's not just _me_ telling you everything." He moved to sit closer to her, perched on the edge of the bed. Alex was reluctant to let him touch her, but she allowed it after a moment. He sighed. "Not as hot as you've been, but it's probably burning off the scrubber."

"Scrubber?"

"It's something we have to take, normally twice a day, but your body's been burning it off faster than normal," Max explained. He stopped and then tapped the journal. "Read it. I'm certain you've made an entry about the scrubber, but the environment outside is practically unlivable. Toxins make their way into here even with all of the systems we have rigged up." He seemed to be able to see the question in her face. "I know you probably want to get right down to it. Cliff notes version of the last eight years?"

Alex gave him a nod.

"The Fort Rozz escapees managed to released Myriad on the planet," Lord explained. "I'm not even sure how it happened. The world ended six years ago. It ended the day that the DEO fell. The day that Henshaw died. The day that Kara died-"

"What?" Alex breathed out a shorten sob. She covered her mouth and told herself that she couldn't cry. This _couldn't_ be real. _It wasn't real._ She wasn't going to live in a world where her sister didn't exist.

"We hid here and we brought people with us," Lord continued. "Smart people. We aren't the only colony still alive, but I think we're likely the ones that are best off." He was quiet for a long time. "I'm sure it's unimaginable to you right now, but we fell in love, Alex. We got married, if that is even something that's official after the world ends," he said as he reached out and ran a finger along the ring on her finger that she hadn't realized was there until he pointed it out. It was then that she realized that he had one too. "We have a daughter. We've been happy. We've been trying to fight this fever. We've been trying to figure out if there's a scientific solution to reversing Myriad."

Alex felt like she couldn't breathe.

Kara was dead.

J'onn was dead.

Her mother was likely dead.

The world had ended.

She married Max.

They had a daughter.

"I-" Alex tried to get something out. She couldn't. It wouldn't come.

"It's okay," Max said gently. "Look at your journal. I'm going to go get you another dose of the scrubber and something that will hopefully ease the fever. Please, just rest…"

How could she just lose eight years?

There had to be something else.

Her fingers moved over the textured cover of the journal before pulling back the elastic band that kept it closed. Opening the cover, she immediately recognized her own handwriting. _It could be a forgery_ , Alex thought. The first entry in the journal was for 2018 and as Alex just skimmed the page, she couldn't help but think about how it _did_ sound like her. The words were hers.

God, the words were hers.

There were tears that had stained the pages here and there and had even blurred words, but they were still readable. Alex just couldn't believe it and it scared her to think about what she was going to find reading it. Wouldn't that make this all real?

 _Kara._

She _had_ to know, though.

 _ **May 2018**_

 _I don't know what the exact date is. I don't know a lot of things. Max handed this to me and just told me to write whatever I was thinking. There's so much I've been thinking and I don't think that there will ever be enough pages to fill them. They spin out of control and I just can't even put them all to words. Max said I haven't said anything in days. What left is there to say? Everything has been taken. They've won. I never thought I'd ever say that. I always thought that between the DEO and Kara that we'd track down every alien criminal that had escaped Fort Rozz when it crashed here all those years ago. We were so wrong._

 _Non and Myriad have taken it all. They destroyed nearly the entire human race, or at least we have to hope that there are others out there. Communications are down everywhere. All we can really do is huddle in the shelters that we have and hopefully survive. At this point, I don't want to. Max keeps saying that things are going to be okay. He's trying to keep me hopeful and I just can't. He wants me to believe that my mom is out there and I just can't. I saw Non kill Kara, she died in my arms. My little sister. It still doesn't feel real. I was supposed to protect her. I promised. All the promises that I made to my parents, to people, to myself...and I couldn't keep any of them. J'onn died protecting me. Too many people died because of me. I don't even know why or how I'm still alive. I don't want to go on, but there's no way that I will end it myself. I don't think I could and it seems like such a selfish thing to do, there are people still alive...and maybe I could still help someone...even if it's a single person. This can't be the end of everything._

 _ **June 2018**_

 _It's not safe. Nowhere is safe. If the toxins don't kill us, then the remaining Kryptonians will. Max thinks he's developed something that may help combat what we're feeling. It's like a sickness, but it's because of the environmentals. He wants me to help him with it, but I don't even want to leave my corner of what's left of the world. Everywhere I go, it reminds me of something that I lost and can't get back. Kara. J'onn. My mom. The DEO. Our mission...and all I can think is that if we had more time then maybe things would have ended differently. If we had understood Myriad earlier… If we'd found a way to combat it. If we'd been united, as human beings._

 _ **July 2018**_

 _It's slowly killing us. I'm being selfish. I have to help Max. It's hard. I don't know if I can really do it or if I can even help. What if it's all for nothing? What if there's no way to stop these symptoms? It's gotten so bad, though._

She found another wallet sized picture and she just held it with a shaking hand. It was her, Kara, and J'onn. The picture itself was damaged, but she didn't remember _when_ it was taken. Kara was dressed as Kara Danvers, which didn't happen often when the three of them were together. There was also the strange fact that they'd gotten him to take the picture and that he was smiling.

 _Wake up_ , she told herself.

Max returned with a syringe and Alex wasn't sure what to think about it. Did she take it? She felt sick and he seemed to think this would take care of things. Would it? Or was it what was responsible for how she felt?

"How do I know-"

"Alex, if I wanted to poison you, then I wouldn't be telling you that it's going to make you feel better," Max told her. "Which this will. I swear. Just give it five minutes." She didn't resist when he injected her and just hoped that he was telling the truth. "You're reading…"

What could she say?

She looked up at him. From everything that she'd observed with him and how he'd acted, he didn't _seem_ to be lying. At least she didn't _think_ he was lying. Alex was certain that she could be wrong, especially if she was really running a fever. It was all so much, though. "I-"

"You don't believe any of it?"

Alex shook her head, her eyes never leaving him.

"That's my girl," he muttered with a smile. Max shoved his hands down into his pockets and looked away from her. "I shouldn't be surprised." He looked back over at her. "After all, we didn't start things on the best of terms, did we?"

"Well, I think it went off the rails in the middle."

Max smirked at that. "I will admit it, and _only_ to _you_ , I _do_ make mistakes."

This wasn't the Maxwell Lord that she remembered. As she stared at him, she realized that she already felt better. She felt stronger. She rubbed her forehead for a moment and closed her eyes. There was just so much to take in and to accept or to reject. Did she reject it? If she did and this was reality? Alex didn't know what she could really do at this point. She wanted to wake up, for this to all be some kind of twisted nightmare.

"Tell me what you're thinking?"

"That this is all wrong," Alex whispered and then opened her eyes to find him looking quite disappointed.

Max sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed. "I know this has to be hard." He was quiet for a moment. "I was yelling and throwing stuff last month. The fever sucks. I had forgotten chunks...and I thought that I was imprisoned like all those years ago and I was so mad at you." He shrugged. "It's so weird...and so sobering coming out of it and realizing where you were and where you are now and how opposite my feelings for you are…"

"Max-"

"Kara's death has always haunted you, Alex," he brought up. "You've never gotten over it and I'm certain that you never _will_." He reached out and pushed a piece of stray hair back behind her ear. "J'onn gets brought up here and there, but Kara kills you the most. I think that when she died that day...that a large portion of you died with her. I just always hope that we're enough for you."

"I don't know what to think," she whispered. There were so many entries that she hadn't read yet. The journal was almost entirely filled. "What to say."

"I know," he said with a sigh. "We're going to have to go on the tour, but only if you feel better."

" _The tour_?"

"Of the building," Max said matter of factly. "I think that's the only way you're going to remember. It'll probably jog memories."

What kind, though.

Alex didn't know if this was going to be a good thing or not, all she knew was that the truth was out there. It was a truth that she needed to find and either she'd be satisfied or devastated. "I think I feel up for that."

"You're still running a fever, but you should be okay."

"Is it contagious?"

Max seemed to go back and forth with that question as he tilted his head slightly to the left and then to the right and back again. "Yes, _technically_ , but we're all packed on top of each other and the ventilation system is shared. There's no elaborate scrubbing or filters in between rooms. So, we just try not to spread it person to person if we can help it. You've had it for days, though, so really you should be at the end of it."

Alex didn't know what to think of that. All she knew was that he was giving her the opportunity to leave the room and she was willing to take it. "Okay," she responded. She moved to get out of bed, but Max stopped her. She was about to argue, but he grabbed a pair of ugg-type boots out from under the bed. This confused her even more because as she looked around, all of this stuff wouldn't have been at the DEO. How did they get it? All every moment seemed to bring was new questions. She allowed for Lord to help her put the boots on. He then insisted on helping her to her feet and she was certain that he was testing to see how stable she was.

* * *

The building was busy, but all Alex could see was how much destruction had befallen the DEO facility that was often like a second home to her. People passed her and smiled and greeted them, but Alex didn't remember any of them. He'd even taken her to the lab and showed her some of their work, but she couldn't even get a familiar feeling. It all just felt more confusing.

"Alex?"

"...I don't remember."

She didn't know whether to feel relieved, happy, sad, or frustrated. Did she believe that this place was true? That everything Max was saying was real? Or could he still be behind this? From what she'd seen, it looked like a community that had been built over time. It was still hard for her to think it was all true. "I don't understand how you get supplies...furniture...equipment-"

"There are certain people that have repeatedly gone out there, we give them a higher dosage of scrubber every time, but they seem to be more tolerant of the toxins," Max told her. "Lucky for us, the Kryptonians don't need vehicles, so us finding a vehicle with gas isn't a problem."

It was still too much...and so much _time_.

"Mommy!"

It wasn't until she noticed Max's face that she realized that that was _her cue_. She was the _mommy_. She turned to see a little girl coming towards them, a bright smile on her face. She was tiny and all Alex could think was how much she reminded her of Kara. Her sister had been so much older when she'd arrived on Earth, but this little girl...she reminded her so much of Kara. Big blue eyes, the smile, the long blonde hair that seemed to curl just at the end. She was dressed in a pink shirt with flower accents around the collar and jean leggings. The little girl flung herself at Alex's legs before she could really process how to approach the child.

She noticed in the peripheral vision that Max was crouching down and Alex felt like she should do it as well, even though the child was still clinging to her. Tears fell from Alex's eyes. "Hi," Alex said to the little girl as her heart broke and melted at the same time.

"Are you feeling better, Mommy?" the little girl questioned.

"River, remember we talked about how Mommy was sick like I was?" Max said gently. "So, she's a little confused and doesn't remember."

"I remember," the little girl said brightly with a nod.

"I'm feeling better," Alex told her as she brushed the long blonde hair back over the girl's shoulder. "Thank you."

"Do you remember me?"

"River-" Max started.

"No, it's okay," Alex told him. After all, if this was _their child_ , she wouldn't like to lie to her even if she was small. She looked at River, running her hand along her arm. She smiled and tried not to think about how much River looked and reminded her of Kara, who was apparently gone. "I don't right now, but I'm sure it's going to come back. I still don't feel quite myself."

Silence.

She could see that Max was going to say something, but then the little girl surprised them both as she held out her hand. Alex reached out and held onto it, not sure what they were doing at first. All she knew was that if this was really her reality, her life...then there needed to be no secrets.

"Hi," River said. "I'm River Kara Danvers, it's nice to meet you."

"Alex Danvers," she said in turn automatically as they shook.

It hit her.

River Kara Danvers.

Max's hands held onto her shoulders and then helped her to her feet and he kept an arm securely wrapped around her. She was glad that he was holding onto her because this was just so much to take in. "School, River," he prompted.

"Bye Mommy and Daddy," River said as she waved at them before heading down the hall.

Her head pounded and she felt sick. Did she believe this? She watched the little girl go and just felt like this couldn't be right. Kara couldn't be gone. J'onn couldn't be gone. This couldn't be how it was. They couldn't have failed. She couldn't have lost eight years.

"Alex?"

Alex whispered, "We named her-"

"I couldn't argue with the names you chose and River Lord doesn't have the same ring to it as River Danvers," he said.

"We named her after Kara?"

"And River Song...or River Tam...or both...I think, technically both," Lord told her and turned her around and guided her back towards the way that they'd come.

Alex wasn't sure what to think about having a daughter. "She looks like-"

"You always said that that's because of your mother. The blonde hair and blue eyes."

She just nodded. "That's right."

"Let's get you back to bed, okay?"

Alex didn't argue and they just walked. "How many people are here?"

"In this colony? Twenty-three," he responded. "Seven of those are children under twelve."

"I don't remember."

"You should," Max admitted. "Sometimes it takes longer in different people. We've only ever had one person who made it through the fever that didn't have any of their past memories when they finally made it to the other side."

"You could die from it?"

"We used to have more than forty-five people crammed into this base when we first got down here. It was bad and hygiene wasn't the best. It spread quickly and we didn't have enough supplies. We didn't have scrubbers at first and then it took some tweaking for it to really work right."

"Did the entire facility stand?" Alex questioned and came to a halt. The DEO facility outside of National City that she worked at had a few buildings above ground and then there was the facility _underground_. She'd gotten the tour, but they hadn't gone anywhere near the _entire_ facility, she'd realized. Alex knew that facility and now she was trying to go over it in her head. There was something-

"What are you talking about? You got the tour."

"The entire tour?"

"We didn't go to the surface-"

"That wasn't the _entire_ facility, Max..." Alex's words were cut off as her head spun, pain overtook her, and she saw flashes of something that she couldn't quite grasp. She tried to focus, but her head only hurt more. Max held tight to her until he finally scooped her up. The moment she relaxed, it all slipped away but so did the pain.

"I'm going to get you back to bed," he told her and he sounded and looked so worried. The way his face wrinkled when he had it crunched up in worry had Alex amazed from the angle she was looking up at him from. She was exhausted and felt like passing out. "You need rest. This was too much. This was selfish-"

"Max, just stop talking, please?" Alex whispered exhaustedly as her eyes closed and her head rolled towards his chest.

* * *

 _"Alex!"_

 _Someone shouting her name brought her around. Alex blinked wildly and tried to figure out where they were. It was dark and she couldn't see who the voice belonged to. Her head was pounding and as she sat up, it only got worse._

 _"Alex! Alex, that's you, right? You're not some kind of twisted hallucination?"_

 _That voice._

 _Maxwell Lord._

 _Alex turned her head in the direction of the voice, squinting through the dark and then slowly moved towards it. "Max?"_

 _"Oh, thank God!"_

 _She still couldn't see him, but she found herself running into a barrier. Bars. Her fingers twisted around them and she tried to adjust to the dark. "Max?"_

 _His fingers covered hers a moment later and he could see him staring back at her through the dark. "I know I'm not your favorite person-"_

 _"That's accurate."_

 _She could see his smirk in response. "I'm just glad to see a familiar face in this nightmare."_

 _"Where-"_

* * *

Alex didn't know what pulled her out of the dream. Was it the pain or the sounds of people out in the hall? Alex woke to find that she was all alone in the bedroom and she was grateful for the privacy. Sitting up, Alex didn't know what to think of...well, everything. Pressing the heels of her palms against her eyes, she let the tears fall. The confusion and frustration was too much.

She didn't remember anything.

She didn't remember this life.

It was hard for her to accept this, but what if this was her life? What if this was all she had? She was just glad that so far, Max hadn't come back. Alex wiped the tears away and snuffed for a moment as she looked around. It certainly _felt_ real. If this was some elaborate set up, it was good. Too good. Why would someone go to all that trouble?

Max-

But she didn't think he'd do it. Sure, he'd made Bizarro and Alex had imprisoned him temporarily in the DEO, but what _real_ reason would he have to do this to her? If he really wanted he could have taken her and played whatever mind game he wanted...he didn't need to go to all of these lengths, but there was something that kept bothering her. Could it be the fever or whatever the toxins did? Or was it something else? Alex felt better, like she wasn't feverish and that the scrubber was doing what it was supposed to.

Turning her head, she stared at the journal on the nightstand. Grabbing it, she turned to the page she'd left off of.

 _ **July 2018**_

 _I've been working with Max. A lot more than I've ever wanted to. The work is good, though. It keeps me occupied. It keeps me thinking about life because that's what these scrubbers will mean. Max's original design is good, but it's not perfect. There are flaws, which he hates that I point out, but they're there. At least he doesn't have a problem taking help._

 _Two years ago, I would have just thrown Max into the DEO containment cell for touching me, but today he touched my arm and I know it was out of concern. I apparently went quiet and he said I looked really sad. I was thinking about my mom and my dad and how if they were there that they could have helped so much, that they would have seen something that I was missing. That we were missing. Maxwell Lord went from a man who was just a necessary person to be able to control and access when needed for DEO purposes to someone that I found myself caring about. It was clear even back then that he had taken interest. My feelings are so conflicting. I still can't believe that no one else, none of my family is left out there. Do I really want to start something now? Is there even a future? A real one? I don't know._

She looked down at the small wallet sized picture that had been tucked between the pages. Her thumb caressed the distressed photo slightly as she tried to bring to the surface what she knew was there, something fighting to get through.

Kara.

The locket.

Kara had given her a locket.

Her hand went instantly up to her chest and she searched for the chain.

Nothing.

Panic immediately set in. If the world had ended and Kara was gone, that would have been something that she would have fought to keep. It would have been something that she would have fought to get back if it was left somewhere else.

Alex pushed back the covers and found that Max must have stripped her down again. She sighed, getting dressed _again_ was going to be a task especially since she really didn't know where everything was. Right now, clothes could wait. She pulled open the bedside drawer, there wasn't much in there to shuffle through.

No locket.

She pushed herself off of the bed and moved over to the dresser and started to go through every drawer. She moved clothing from side to side and front to back before going through every layer of clothing in the drawer. She also checked for false bottoms.

Nothing.

Moving slowly towards the wardrobe, she opened it and frowned immediately upon seeing the amount of brightly colored clothing choices. She realized that between the dresser drawers and the wardrobe that there was not a single item that was hers that was black except for undergarments. Obviously she didn't have a hand in choosing this or this was what wardrobe looked like when the world ended.

No locket either.

Alex looked around the room, trying to think of where else she might have kept it. She looked up and reached up as she elevated herself up on her tiptoes to feel the top of the wardrobe, but there wasn't anything there. She got down on her stomach and looked under the bed, but there was only shoes. Getting up, she moved to Max's bedside table, but there was nothing in there except for a pen, flashlight, and a watch.

"What are you looking for?"

"Crap!" Alex exclaimed as she held her chest and tried to catch her breath and calm her heart that was now speeding. She turned to him. "You scared me!"

He just smirked. "Sorry, next time I'll make more noise while I watch you go through my bedside drawer. What are you looking for?"

"A locket."

"Locket?"

"Kara gave it to me," Alex explained. "We both had one."

He didn't look like he knew what she was talking about.

"I wouldn't have just left it-"

"Not everything made it here, Alex," he told her gently.

"But I would have been wearing it," she insisted as she placed her hand over her chest where the locket would have hung under her shirt.

"Alex-"

She turned her back to him. "I know that everything you say is in that journal and there's a community out there...and we're supposed to be married and-"

"Ah!" Lord suddenly cried out.

When Alex spun around him on one knee, holding onto the door of the wardrobe with one hand and his other hand was up to his head. "Max!" she shouted out as she moved to his side. "What's wrong? What can I do?"

"Just need to lay down," he got out, but he kept cringing and squeezing his eyes shut.

Alex helped him to his feet and helped him to the bed. She watched as he laid down and rolled onto his side so that he was facing her side of the bed. Alex moved to remove his shoes, like he'd done for her before and dropped them under the bed. She sat on the edge of the bed and ran a hand from his shoulder and down his arm. When he stopped cringing so much and his hand covered hers, she stared at their hands and stilled. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah...sometimes I get these flashes from the past and this like extreme migraine."

"Does everyone?"

"No."

Alex thought about that for a long moment. "What if I _never_ remember?" she questioned as she stared at the wall. She still didn't _want_ to believe.

"Then _we'll_ start over," Max responded gently. " _We_ built this place, Alex. I promised you that there would be a future and I'm going to _keep_ that promise. It's just something you and I have to keep working at...the work will help, I promise. It's helped you through so much already."

"Kara and J'onn's deaths?"

"Yeah," he whispered. "It was hard for you to accept even when it happened right in front of you. You didn't want to go on."

She knew that that was the truth. She was struggling right now. "My mom-"

"We never found her," he whispered and his hand was running along her arm now. "But that doesn't mean she's not out there, Alex. Most places only have a primitive morse code going."

"Look at where we are," she whispered as tears formed in her eyes.

Max reached across and pulled the journal to him. He rolled onto his back, sitting up to face her, he held up the journal. "Look at where we started. The fact that you're alive is a miracle." He shook his head. "I told you that if you just stayed alive...that would be enough." He framed her face with his hands, his voice so gentle and full of love. It killed Alex a little at how much he obviously loved her. "If I could grant you peace of mind-"

"This is how Kara felt," she whispered as tears fell as that revelation hit her hard. "How J'onn felt. They both lost everything-"

"You will never lose me and you will never lose River, Alex," Max promised her. "I made vows to you when we got married and I made you vows when River was born. I will never stop working to give you that future that I've promised both of you."

Alex just nodded, her head still in his hands and she was fighting so hard to keep those tears back. He let her head drop and he pulled her to his chest. She brought in a gasp as she took in this reality, she still didn't want it...but she wasn't seeing any way out of it. His arms held her tight and he dropped a kiss in her hair.

"You're safe. You're home."

But she wasn't.

Her mother.

Kara.

J'onn.

Alex couldn't think of a home or a life that didn't include the three of them and it was killing her. She hoped that the memories came back because she didn't know how she'd found the strength in the first place to go on with her life. Right now, she needed all the help she could get.

"I'm never letting go," he whispered.

* * *

The fever was officially gone.

She didn't remember anything though. Nothing that she _should_ remember. Alex had continued to read the journal, but nothing seemed to bring her memories back. So, she'd tried to go on like how she was told her routine normally was. It all just felt odd and she felt out of place. There was something else that had concerned her, she'd woken up that morning and had gone to wash her hands and had realized something. On the inside of her left wrist was half a heart. Kara had drawn it there with a pink sharpie. It was faded a bit, but it was still there. It shouldn't still be there. It had been bothering her all day. She'd wanted to ask Max, but she'd also hoped to remember _why_ it was still there.

"Do you think maybe I could go out on a run?" Alex asked Max as they worked in the lab together. River was at school with the other couple of kids her age. It was frustrating her not seeing the world outside for herself. She knew that it was dangerous, but she faced danger everyday working at the DEO.

"Alex, I don't know if that's a good idea, you've just gotten over the fever," he pointed out. "Your immune system might not respond well to the double dose of scrubber _and_ you haven't regained your memories."

All valid points.

Even _she_ could see herself as a liability.

"I just-"

Their conversation was quickly cut off by the blaring of klaxons. Alex knew that sound and she looked over at Max, waiting to see what he said the reason for it was.

"Incursion," he said and was at the wall a breath later pressing the intercom button. "Report!"

Incursion?

Alex reached down to her leg to grab her weapon, but it wasn't there. This wasn't something that she was used to. "Kryptonians?" she questioned as they waited for a response.

"It could be-"

The intercom buzzed to life and a voice shouted through it. "Section five!"

That was it.

It was enough, though, because Max was out and through the door. Alex followed without a question and tried to think of what was in section five. All she knew was that she'd never seen Max move so quickly in his life. _Section five_ , she kept going over it in her brain.

Section five.

The greenhouse.

The nursery.

The school.

The children.

River.

Alex couldn't get the memory of meeting River out of her head and how much she reminded her of Kara and she could see her mother in her. Her chest constricted and she moved as quickly as she could. As they neared that section, everyone was falling back.

"Move kids! Move!" the teacher shouted as they were herded in the opposite direction of section five.

She immediately started to look at every little face. Every scared face. Blonde. Blue eyes. Alex looked back as the kids filed past. "River," she whispered.

"River!" Max started to shout.

"She was just here!" the teacher stated.

Max was already rounding the corner and Alex was only a couple of steps behind. There was a roar that echoed through the corridors. As they rounded the corner, Alex caught a glimpse of what was responsible, what the intruder was. "White Martian," she breathed as she reached out to touch Max's arm. All she could think about was what she knew about them. Did that mean that it was more than just the Kryptonians? Or the Fort Rozz escapees? Were they dealing with White Martians too?

"River!" Max called again.

They were practically upon the school now. The White Martian bounded off of the walls and the ceiling before bouncing up off of the floor. It was leaving marks all throughout. Alex thought it was odd that it was just seemingly running away, it wasn't like they were armed. Suddenly, the White Martian kicked at them, sending them both flying backwards.

When Alex got back to her feet, the White Martian was gone. "River?!" she shouted out.

No answer.

She was already moving down the hallway, trying to remember where the school was. Alex didn't see anyone when she looked in through the glass. She couldn't be far. They hadn't seen her- It was then as she stepped into the classroom that she realized exactly where River was. She was curled up in the corner that had all the desks jumbled together. It broke her heart. "River?" she whispered. "Are you okay?"

Max was right there, matching steps with Alex, moving the desks. Grabbing the scared girl, Alex held her close and ran her fingers through her blonde hair. "Shh...it's okay."

"I made myself small," River whispered as she looked up at her through tears.

Max was there, wrapping his arms around both of them. "You did good."

River was looking right at her. "I did what _you_ told me to."

She made herself small.

She tried to make herself invisible.

She-

"I didn't mean to cry," River told her as her voice broke and she just looked like she was going to completely lose it.

Alex held her a little tighter. "You can cry," she told her and kissed River's forehead. "You did good. You're safe. You're safe…" It only took her a beat before Alex looked up at Max. "That White Martian is loose."

"I know, I'm going to go-"

" _I should_!"

"Alex, River needs you to stay with her right now," Max told her.

"I'm _trained_!"

"So am I."

"Since when?"

"Since this whole thing happened and I had the best teacher."

" _Who_?"

"You."

Alex just stared at him for a long moment. "A White Martian can-"

"I know," Max said with a huff. "It could have _been_ anyone. It could be anyone right now." He sighed. "We've been so careful."

River reached out and grabbed his arm. "Daddy, please don't go."

"I have to keep us safe, Sweetie," Max told her gently as he reached out and caressed her cheek.

"It's gone."

"It might not be."

"It is! Just stay with me! Stay with us! Don't leave!"

Alex wondered how many times this had happened before. She couldn't even fathom being so young, being River's age and having to go through that. "Come on," Alex whispered as she stood up and held onto her daughter's hand. She looked over to Max, "You can't go into that section without a weapon and not without help."

"I can't just let it terrorize us," Max argued.

"It's in section six," Alex pointed out. "Don't the bulkheads still work?"

"We haven't had to do that in years-"

"Just for now," Alex told him. "It's all storage and labs. Everyone should be in the opposite direction. It's just until there's an armed team that can go in and-"

"You're right."

Alex just stared at him. She wanted to go so badly, but River's hand in hers kept bringing her focus back to her daughter. _Her daughter_. Even though River was about four or five, Alex picked her up and held her close. The girl was light enough. "Max, _please_."

And he didn't fight her.

They walked back towards the living quarters with their daughter. Max talked to everyone along the way, trying to figure out who was in each section. Right now, all she wanted to do was to go to their room and be thankful that they were all okay. Max, though, obviously wanted to get out there and to do a headcount. She couldn't fault him on that.

"Are you going to be okay?" Max asked her.

Alex nodded. "We'll be fine. Just be safe, okay?"

"I always am," Max said with a smile. "I have too much to live for." He hugged them both and whispered into Alex's ear. "There's a gun taped to the back of your nightstand." He kissed her forehead and then did the same to River. "Stay in there...please."

"Be careful, Daddy," River whispered.

Alex nodded again and gave him a small smile. There was something comforting in knowing that she could defend herself and River if needed.

The room was small, but there was comfort in it. Maybe it was the mementos that they did have or maybe it was just that the simplistic design gave Alex comfort in case she needed to shoot anything (there was less for them to hide behind). She set River down in the middle of the bed and sat on the edge of it. "You okay?" she asked as she brushed a strand of blonde hair behind her daughter's ear.

"I'm okay."

Alex grabbed her daughter's hands and ran her thumbs over the tops of them. "You really did good. You were brave."

"I could have been braver."

"You don't need to be."

"But there are monsters out there."

"We're not going to let them hurt you," Alex promised. "Your father and I wouldn't let anything hurt you. We would fight-"

"I know," River said.

Alex dropped her gaze and stared at the little hands in hers, as she rotated them slightly, ink on the inside of River's wrist caught her attention. She turned over the wrist that had caught her attention and just stared down at the half heart drawn in pink sharpie on the girl's wrist on her right hand. "Where did you get this?" Alex asked in a gasped breath. Her eyes couldn't leave the ink.

"You drew it there."

"Not this morning."

"Before you got sick," River told her.

"It would have washed off."

"No. I'm careful."

Her head started to spin and her heart sped up as she tried to make sense of it. It didn't make sense. It would have washed off, Alex was certain. All she could think about was Kara. She didn't know why she would have done that. Why would she have brought that reminder of Kara upon herself? Was the future self or present self that she couldn't remember really that much stronger than she was right now?

"Mommy?"

Alex huffed out the emotion that was balling up inside her. "Kara and I-"

"You said that it means stronger together," River said, she seemed so confused.

"That's what it meant to us," Alex admitted. "Because we needed each other."

"I need _you_."

Alex didn't know what to say to that. She just stared at River and knew that right now was the time where she needed to make her choice. She either accepted things and hoped that her memories would resurface or she'd have to allow herself to completely lose it.

"Don't you need me, Mommy?"

* * *

TBC…


	2. Who Dies?

**Author's Note:** Follow me on Tumblr (shannyfishwriter) for updates, sneak peeks, and extras (such as the picture that I use for River and the music I've been listening to while writing this). If you are SIGNED IN and have your PMs ENABLED, I do try to reply to EVERY comment, so please keep that in mind. I always hate it when there's a comment I particularly want to reply to and they're in as guest or PM is not allowed.

* * *

Quiet.

It was so peaceful and for some reason, that made it hurt all the more. Alex stared at the ring on her finger and wondered how she could just forget _eight years_ of her life. It hadn't come back to her and it had been over a week. Max was wonderful, so much better than she remembered and River seemed happy. Alex knew that her life there was good, but there were pieces missing...pieces of herself. It wasn't just the memories.

She'd been haunted by dreams...nightmares.

Her memory of those dreams, what she remembered of them, didn't make sense or they were blurred. She didn't know what to think. Alex kept thinking that she wanted to talk to Kara or J'onn. Neither one of them were there. Neither one of them could ever talk to her about anything ever again. Everyday, it stung and broke her heart a little more. It just kept making what Max had said make sense more and more.

Whenever she'd have a hard time coming to grips with the reality she was in, she'd turn to the journal. Some of the entries were just a few sentences while others went on for pages. Every now and then she'd find a small picture tucked away. She'd asked Max about the pictures and he'd told her that right after he'd given her the journal that he'd been able to get out and get to Kara's apartment, that's where he'd gotten the pictures from.

"Alex?"

"I'm awake," she whispered.

She was almost always awake when he woke. Alex didn't know how long she'd been awake for, but it had been some time. It was hard for her to sleep with the dreams. They didn't help her make sense of things and that was the hardest part of it all. That was what she desperately wanted, things to make sense, and for her memories to return to her.

"You sound sad."

"I am sad."

"Talk to me?"

Alex couldn't stop thinking of Max in the only way she remembered, as an egotistical genius and an outrageous flirt. Him acting so friendly to her, but he was obviously trying to keep from pushing her. They'd agreed to sleep in the same bed because Alex honestly just didn't want to be alone and they were both adults. If Max tried something, she knew that she could break his arm in a blink. She wasn't scared of him. Somehow, though, she felt comfortable around him. She wasn't sure how to put her finger on it, it was just there.

She turned to him, stared at him for a long while. "I want to remember."

"You know you can't force it," he whispered as his hand sought out hers and then ran a thumb over the top of her hand. "What's bothering you? Really?"

"I read the journal and I see this place...and I've helped you with the perfecting the scrubber, but Max-"

"You've lost _eight years_ , Alex-"

"I keeping having these dreams...they're flashes really."

"It's probably just memories trying to get to the surface."

"I think you were there…"

"Maybe I was," Max whispered. "But I can tell you for sure, one thing...I will always be here for you, Alex...in whatever way you decide."

"What if I don't want you here anymore?" she asked and she could tell that that hurt him. Alex hadn't meant it that way. It was more of a test. She wanted to know if he'd get angry or upset with her. He only got sad, though.

Max didn't reply right away. "Then I'll go." They were both quiet for some time. "Do you want me to go?"

"No," she whispered and just stared at him. Maybe it was because Max was the only familiar element in this whole thing, she felt like she couldn't give that up. Not yet. Not now. The surroundings she felt _should_ feel familiar to her because it was the DEO. She'd worked at the DEO for years, so why didn't she feel like she was there? It had been like a second home to her. It felt off, though, and she couldn't place exactly why. It wasn't like there was a specific part of the facility that she could touch and say that it didn't belong there. "I just-"

"You still feel lost."

"Yeah."

"Just don't push me away? Please?"

And how he said it was so quiet, so gentle, so heartbreaking, and somehow kind. Alex just stared at him before reaching out and cupping his cheek. "I wish you could just mind meld with me and show me everything that I can't remember."

He smiled at that. "I would do it, if I could, but they would never be the same as your own memories...thoughts...feelings… You'd finally see yourself through my eyes."

"Tell me," she whispered. "Tell me everything I don't know about you...from the beginning."

"From the beginning?"

Alex nodded and dropped her hand. All she wanted was a memory. Something that would jog those memories. All she could think of was the one thing in that whole place that was familiar. Weirdly enough, that was Maxwell Lord.

"You don't want to hear it from the beginning," he insisted with a smile. "But I can tell you that if I could go back and change things...I would. I would have told myself, the younger version of me who dreamed of glory that no matter how much control I thought I could have...or had...I was never the one in control and I never would be."

"Isn't that a little harsh?"

Max shrugged. "Think about all of the people that Myriad snuffed out. We had absolutely no control over who lived or died. Just like we'll have no control over who tells our story...if there is even someone to tell our story." He sighed. "It's a dark and terribly harsh world we live in...and I'm fighting to change that, Alex, but that doesn't make it any less of a reality right now."

Alex didn't want to think about all of that. It was hard because it brought her back to Kara and J'onn and that was so hard to bear. She didn't know how she'd survived those eight years or how any of this had come about without them.

* * *

This life felt like she was a foreign character in a storybook. She had been given a character, but not all of the details. It was hard and heartbreaking. It was like something had been stolen from her, a piece of her heart and soul. How did she exist in this story? All of these smiling faces around her that seemed to know her. She'd been there for over a week and she couldn't find anything that shouted that there was something wrong. Everything that Max had said, that was in that journal, it all made sense with what she was seeing.

So, she put herself back in the narrative.

This story was supposed to be hers. This life that she shared with Max and River. This life that needed her skillset in order to keep the human race going. Alex knew that even without the memories and without any type of closure with Kara and J'onn that she had to stop wasting her time on tears. She'd lived six years since their deaths. She intended to live for so many more.

It wouldn't be enough.

Alex walked down the hallway, trying not to think of what she could have time if she'd had more time before Myriad. All she knew was that where they were right now, they hadn't done enough. Max had made her promises, but really...she needed to be part of making that happen. She wasn't a damsel in distress. She was strong and she was starting to think that she was far more intelligent when it came to working on the scrubber.

"Mommy!"

She turned to see River standing there in the hallway all alone. Alex smiled, but then immediately frowned. What time was it? "Shouldn't you be at school?"

"I wanted to be with you."

Walking towards her daughter, she sighed. "You know it's important for you to go to school. We talked about this."

"Don't you want me?"

Alex crouched down in front of River, her hands on her daughter's arms as they traced along her limbs until she took her hands. "Of course I want you, why would you think otherwise?" she asked before kissing her daughter's hands. She looked into those big blue eyes and it was so hard not to see or think of Kara.

"You don't remember me."

"But that doesn't mean that I don't want you." Alex knew that this had to be confusing and hard on her daughter, they'd been trying to keep things as light and non-stressful around River as they could. She pulled her into a hug and held her tight, running a hand through her long blonde hair. "That doesn't mean that I don't care."

"I just want to be with you."

"Have I ever told you the story of Supergirl and the Martian Manhunter?" Alex asked as she pulled back and pushed a strand of River's hair back behind her ear. A smile came to her lips, but she was pushing tears back at the same time.

"No," River replied and tilted her head to the side.

"You know that your middle name, it's after my little sister...Kara?"

River reached out and touched Alex's cheek. "I don't know if I like this story, Mommy. Daddy says that Kara makes you sad." She tilted her head to the other side, her big blue eyes suddenly looking so sad. "Why did you name me after something that makes you so sad?"

Breathe.

Kara.

Oh God.

She couldn't stop thinking about her sister. Alex didn't feel like that part of her life could be gone. "Kara was my little sister and she wasn't from this planet, River. She was sent here when her world was dying...she came here and had powers...she could fly...and she would have loved you." Alex smiled at the idea of that. "My mom and Kara would have absolutely adored you...spoiled you...and loved you…"

That wasn't life.

That wasn't her reality.

Tears fell, but Alex didn't care. It was happy and sad all at the same time. She knew that even if she knew that she couldn't waste her time grieving J'onn and Kara's loss from six years before, that she could still shed some tears for them...from thinking about those moments...the could have beens.

"Now you're crying…"

And she was.

Alex pushed away the tears and took a breath. "Tears aren't always because we're sad."

"But Kara makes you sad."

"But Kara makes me so happy, too," Alex told her.

"I don't want to talk about Kara anymore," River told her.

Alex opened her mouth to say something to that, she heard Max's voice, and then the world faded to black as her ears filled with a drilling sound and her head pounded and seared from pain.

* * *

 _"Alex!"_

 _"Max!" Alex screamed as she held onto the bars, pressing her face against the bars. She was trying to see what was happening, what had grabbed him and yanked him backwards. "Max!" She didn't see him. It was pitch black, so she really couldn't see anything even though her eyes had adjusted._

 _Panicked, she reached to her neck and yanked on the chain. She brought up the tear shaped locket that Kara had given her and wrapped it in her hand. Once she heard it click, she held it open in the palm of her hand, allowing the faint blue glow to illuminate the area near the bars. It wasn't much, but it was something._

 _"Max! Say something!"_

 _Silence._

 _Alex felt sick, her stomach twisting. Before she could call him again, she noticed something in the dark. It was like a shadow in the dark. She'd just caught a glimpse of it. Alex squinted, trying to concentrate on whatever she saw and then opened her mouth again. Before words could come out though, the face of an angry White Martian pressed against the bars, roaring. Alex jutted back and fell to the ground in shock. She just blinked up at the still roaring White Martian, when its gaze moved from her so did hers. A gasp filled her as she realized what had caught its attention._

 _The locket._

 _She must have dropped it. Alex scrambled forward, but the White Martian snatched it up before disappearing. "No!" Alex screamed._

* * *

Alex woke, sitting straight up. Her heart was racing and she couldn't catch her breath right away. She looked over and found Max thrashing in the bed and mumbling. It took her a moment, but she reached out to shake him. "Max, wake up. You're having a dream. Max!" When he didn't wake up or even start to stir, she got worried. Alex moved to her knees and really shook him, his whole body. "Max! Wake up!" she shouted.

"Wha?"

She blinked for a moment, waiting to make sure that he was actually out of it. "You were having a dream."

Max's eyes blinked open and then he covered his face. "I don't remember…"

Watching as he cringed, Alex sighed and thought about it. "Are headaches part of the side effects of-"

"Yes."

"We've been having them a lot."

"I told you that scrubber needs to be improved," Max told her and slowly sat up.

Alex settled back into a sitting position beside him on the bed and watched him closely. "Do you remember? The dream?"

"No."

"You were mumbling, but I couldn't hear what you were actually saying."

"It was probably me talking to you," Max told her. He looked at her and sighed. "I promised you a better future and we're six years in...and it's not much better."

"I'm not alone," she whispered. That was hard for her to really come to terms with because it meant that she was accepting so much without the memories as proof. Over the last week, though, Max and River had both shown her that she was loved and cared for, that they were her family. She couldn't deny that. Max was dedicated to her and though she wasn't sure her exact feelings for him...it wasn't loathing.

"No, you're never alone," he reminded as he ran his fingers through her hair.

* * *

"If we could use Kryptonian DNA or another alien species that has regenerative properties-"

Max chuckled and shook his head at her. "We've had this discussion so many times."

Alex sighed. "I suppose that makes sense."

"Don't give up, we always figure it out," Max said. "We've been tweaking the scrubber for six years now...it always has to be reconfigured every so many months and we've always made it happen."

"If we could get into my old lab-"

"Alex, what are you talking about?"

"What about Kara's blood? Any other alien samples we had on hand-"

"It's all gone, Alex. We've gone through it all," Max said gently.

It was sobering.

In a lot of ways.

And it hit her all at once.

As much as she told herself that _this_ was her reality and _this_ was what she'd accepted, there were still memories and a past that she didn't have. It wasn't just like a year either...it was _eight_. That was nearly a quarter of her life that she was missing and it was the most current quarter...which made it all the more harder on her.

"Right," Alex said as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and looked down at the microscope. Her hands were pressed against the table and frustration was filling her like crazy.

Max's voice was soft and she could see him now in her peripheral vision, he'd moved to her side. "Alex," he started as he placed a hand over hers. "It's going to be okay."

"I don't remember anything," she told him. "I don't remember anything useful. Anything I come up with, I've already spouted out six years ago… I'm not going to be helpful."

"You're being too hard on yourself."

"River is depending on us to fix this," Alex said and looked over at him. She might not remember things, but she knew that no matter what...she was going to protect her daughter. There was nothing in the world that she wouldn't do for family. "We have to just think of this from a different angle."

"Or maybe we just need to take a break?"

"Max-"

"Come on, we'll go get River and the three of us can do something quiet together," Max suggested. "Maybe a break is just what we need."

"I think she's mad at me for not remembering," Alex brought up.

"She's five, Alex...she understands, but that doesn't mean that she completely understands."

"I know," she told him in frustration.

"Hey," Max whispered. "It's going to be fine." He pulled her away from the table, turning her to him. "Let's just give it some time, okay? Take it slow. Let's just take a step back...and we'll work on the scrubber later, okay?"

"No," she said and pulled away from him to turn back to the microscope. "I can do this. I can figure it out," Alex insisted. The one thing about everything was that Alex was having a hard time coping with not having something to do to keep her busy. The DEO had always kept her busy and now...now she found a lot of her frustration was because she didn't _feel_ useful.

"Alex-"

"No!" she snapped and pulled away from his hand that touched her arm lightly. Alex needed this. She needed to contribute. Her head split with pain and she gasped and started to double over, her legs giving out beneath her. Max grabbed her and pulled her away from the counter and held her. She cried out and grabbed to hold onto him. "Max…" she cried into his shirt as he held her against his chest.

"The scrubber has to be wearing off earlier than we expected," Max whispered, she could hear the pain in his voice as he held her on the floor. He was trying to comfort her, but it wasn't comforting.

"Daddy? What's wrong?" came River's little voice from behind.

Alex blinked wildly, the pain in her head searing behind her eyes but she couldn't keep it together and found herself passing out, darkness claiming her.

* * *

 _Alex was exhausted, felt heavy._

 _Her hand kept going, though, the pen to the paper. She knew what she was going to write, but it didn't make it any easier. It was still such a weight._

 _The end of the world._

 _Kara's death._

 _J'onn's death._

 _The pain._

 _Alex felt like she couldn't breathe, the pen in her hand shook. Tears fell from her eyes, rolled down her cheeks, fell to the page, and blurred a couple of letters here and there. Letting out a shaky breath, Alex clutched to her chest with one hand as the other kept pushing the pen, writing what was in her head._

 _This couldn't be real._

 _It was too hard._

 _There was too much._

 _Too much pain._

 _Too much heartache._

* * *

Gasping for breath, Alex sat straight up and held her chest. She looked around and found herself all alone. She looked down to see the journal open in her lap. She didn't remember how she got there, she didn't remember even what time of day it was. Alex just remembered she'd been in the lab…

Where was Max?

Throwing back the quilt and sheet, she didn't even take a breath. She got out of bed and was immediately throwing on clothes, she needed to figure out what was going on. She needed to get to the lab. She needed something. To do something, to be busy, to know what was going on.

Alex hadn't even fought looking for a set of clothes that were most like what she was used to wearing, she'd picked up just anything...no matter what the color was and had just put it on before heading out of the bedroom.

She stopped in the hall and her head killed her, she doubled over and held it for a moment. It felt like a stabbing pain and a screech that filled her skull. The hallway seemed to go from bright to dim. Alex reached out and held onto the wall, leaning against it for support. A scream escaped her as she tried to keep herself upright. The pain was too much. The hallway seemed to change as she blinked.

"Alex?!"

"Max…" she whispered.

He was there, River trailing behind him. "It's going to be okay," he assured as he took her into his arms. "I was coming back with a scrubber. The new batch. You're going to be okay in a second," he assured.

Alex felt like she wasn't going to be able to hold on. She stared up at Max, could feel the injection, and as she saw River...she realized that the world around her was still flipping back and forth. It was like watching the same two pages being flipped back and forth in a book. "I-"

"You're going to be okay, Mommy," River said as she hugged Alex, one hand reaching up into Alex's hair.

When her eyes opened again, she realized that it was like everything stabilized. "Wha...what happened?" she breathed. She could still feel the pain. Alex didn't know if it was because she knew what it felt like, but she still felt it. That's what she knew. She couldn't just push it away, but it had dulled.

"You were sick."

Max kissed her forehead before responding to her. "Don't you remember? The scrubber? We needed a new design-"

River was still clinging to her and Alex brought an arm up to hold her daughter to her. Her eyes were on Max, confusion clouding her. "But...we couldn't figure it out."

" _You_ figured it out."

"No."

"I was there, it's what I just injected you with," Max told her. "You weren't feeling well, so you went to lay down while I started the production of it. Everyone in the colony is going to need a dose. River's already had hers."

Alex didn't remember any of that. How did she have more gaps? "Something's wrong with me," she whispered. "Max-"

"Nothing's wrong with you," he told her gently.

Everything felt wrong.

"Mommy, you're scaring me," River whispered as she pulled back. Her little face was so sad and scared.

Alex shook her head. "I keep having nightmares-"

"We _all_ have nightmares," Max told her. "A lot has happened."

Was she just breaking?

Losing it?

Was this some other side effect from the fever? Something connected to her memory loss? Alex didn't know, but all of the unknown was making her feel worse.

"Let's just get you back to bed," Max said as he helped her up to her feet again. River was right there. Luckily, there wasn't far to walk. "Once I get you back in bed, I'll get you some water. It's probably just something off because of the need for the scrubber upgrade. Maybe you're dehydrated? I can't even remember the last time you drank something...or ate something."

"This isn't low blood sugar!" she snapped and pulled away from Max as they entered the bedroom. Alex moved towards the bed and just stared at the picture on the bedside.

"Alex…"

"I just really want to be left alone," she told him as she turned her head to the side, looking down. She could just barely see him in her peripheral vision. She couldn't look at his face, she knew that he'd be upset at her for that.

"Come on, River," Max said softly. "Mommy needs some time alone."

"Why? We were going to have a picnic in the garden!" River whined. "You said we would! You said everything was going to be okay!"

"River!" Max scolded.

"You're ruining everything!"

And Alex knew that statement was directed at her.

"River! That's enough!"

Alex just didn't know how she could keep doing this. She told herself that she was going to live in it and it was going fine...until she kept failing in the lab. There had to be purpose in her life. Being a mother, she knew was a job. She knew that. It wasn't something she remembered though. She stood there and shifted from foot to foot for a moment before turning to them. "I'm sorry," Alex told them both. "You deserve better...both of you do."

"Alex-"

"No, she's right, I'm ruining everything," Alex said. "It's not fair to either of you. I'm battling past demons and I can't let any of it go… I should be focusing on the three of us. That's all that's important."

"It's normal to think of the past," Max said gently.

"It makes her sad," River stated, there was some upset in her voice.

"It does," Alex confirmed. "I can't help it, though." She sighed. "My past will always be apart of me."

"But aren't we a part of you, too?"

"Of course."

"But you don't care about us as much as you do everything that upsets you."

And that felt true.

Max had even made a comment about it. She couldn't help it. Alex tried to think of the right words. She couldn't tell her daughter that she loved her sister and the family that was dead and gone more than her. That wasn't fair. It wasn't right. Alex crouched down, so that she was at River's level. She gently placed a hand on her daughter's upper arm. "River, it's not that I love them more...it's just that...that I've loved them longer…"

"That makes it sound like you love them more."

Alex frowned even more at that response. "Sweetheart, if you had two dolls...one you had had since you were born and one that we gave you last year...would you love one more or would you love them differently because you'd have loved one since you were born-"

"No, I would love one more," River said.

Well, that really didn't work out the way she wanted it to.

She'd helped with Kara when she got to Earth, but her sister had been thirteen. River was five. That was a huge age difference. Maybe she couldn't do this. Maybe she wasn't really ready to be a parent. Why the hell would they even make that choice? Alex didn't understand it. It made her want her memories back all the more, so that perhaps things would make more sense.

"You're mean."

Max sighed at that. "Riv-"

"It's fine," Alex said as she held up her hand to him. "It's fine. She's five. She's sort of right. I'm trying, but I'm not doing a good enough job...and even _I_ realize that."

"Alex-"

"No, she's right, Max."

"You're not even _trying_ to be my mommy," River accused.

"I don't even know if I know how to be a mommy, River," Alex told her honestly. "I'm having a hard time even being able to be okay with myself without knowing the last eight years of my life. I don't know or remember how to be your mommy…"

"I want my mommy!"

"River, I'm sorry-"

" _I hate you_!" River screamed before running out of the bedroom.

Alex got up to go after her, but Max stopped her. "I-"

"I know," he said. He let out another sigh. "Give her a minute and then I'll go after her."

"Something is _wrong_ with me, Max."

" _There's nothing wrong with you_ ," he told her as he moved to her, his hands on her arms, he shook her a bit as they stared at each other. " _Nothing_ , Alexandra."

Her mouth opened to say something, but the screams coming from the hallway pulled both of their attentions away from the conversation and to what was going on. She and Max flung open their door and peeked out into the hallway. People were hurrying past. "Intruders!" someone said as they went past. The klaxon went off a moment later.

"River," they both whispered at the same time as they bolted out the door.

* * *

They were running, lungs burning, when they came to an immediate halt. Six bloody bodies littered the floor. She and Max didn't say anything and immediately crouched down and started to check for pulses.

Nothing.

There was nothing.

"How does it keep getting in here?"

"The White Martian?" Alex asked confused.

"We didn't see it, but that has to be who's responsible for this!" Max told her, anger flaring inside of him.

"They can be anyone, Max! They've been here the whole time! They've probably been here the entire time we've been in the DEO!" Alex said. "We had one in lock-up."

"You had more than one."

Really?

She couldn't even get _that_ right?

"We have to find River," Alex said and headed in the direction that she hoped that her daughter wasn't in. Max caught her wrist. She turned and glared at him. Why was he stopping her? This was _her fault_. River had run away because _she_ couldn't get it together and Max was stopping her?

"I don't know why I just did that," Max said gently and so confused as he let her go.

"River," she reminded. "She's probably hidden somewhere."

Alex brushed it off and hurried down the hallway. She was wondering how they'd survived so long with a White Martian in their midsts. All she could think about was J'onn and how he'd told the story of Mars and his family...of every Green Martian. She couldn't lose her daughter. Too much had been lost. The White Martians couldn't do that to anyone else.

She wouldn't allow it.

With her mind set, Alex started down the hallway again, keeping a watchful eye out for River and the White Martian. This place, it was so frustrating that it didn't feel right. She came to a hallway that turned, but she swore it was supposed to turn the other way. Alex stopped, but just for a beat as she tried to clear her head before taking it and going upward. It wasn't far until she came upon what was the end of the colony. The double doors had been flung open and outside, there was just darkness and dirt being kicked up.

She knew that instinctively, she should close the doors and barricade them. Alex couldn't bring herself to do it, though. She was being pulled out. The dirt flew into her face, but she tried to block it with her hand as she took her first step (that she remembered) outside of the facility). Looking around, all she saw was nothing but dirt in every direction. She couldn't see the moon or any of the stars, but something kept pulling her further out.

"Alex!"

Max's screams for her hit her, but she didn't go back. She stopped and stood out there, staring upwards. Was this what the whole world looked like? She knew that the DEO had already been situated in an isolated area, but-

His hand was on her upper arm and he was dragging her back towards the doors. "Are you crazy?! The scrubber-"

"I'm fine," she whispered as he dragged her back inside.

Alex was dragged back inside and let go, Max was immediately working on securing the door. Her back hit the wall and she just breathed, watching him. She hadn't dropped dead going outside, what if they _could_ go outside?

"What were you _thinking_?!" Max exclaimed when the door was finally secured, he turned to her. He wasn't angry, he was concerned. Alex was confused as to why he was looking her over. "The only reason we're both okay is because we just had a dose of that new scrubber! Please tell me that you understand what you did?"

She didn't.

She'd stepped outside.

That was all.

It didn't kill her.

It didn't kill either of them.

It took Alex a breath and she just nodded, knowing that that was what Max needed. He was worried and she supposed it was for good reason. From everything that she had been told and read- She stopped and realized that Max suddenly looked lost. He was just standing there like he was spacing out. "Max?" she whispered as she took a step towards him. "We have to find River."

"River?"

Alex blinked. "Our daughter. Don't you remember?"

"Daughter?"

"Did you hit your head?" Alex questioned and moved to look over his head for herself. She couldn't do this alone.

"What? No," Max said suddenly, as if he suddenly snapped back. "No...I remember River." Max covered his face for a moment. "We have to find her. She knows not to go outside...she must have gone the other way…"

Alex grabbed his hand and started to pull him in the other direction. They came upon the bodies again and she stilled for just a breath before moving through them. These weren't the first set of dead bodies that she'd seen and she was certain that they wouldn't be the last. She moved past their bedroom door and headed down the other way. They didn't go far before they found more bodies. "That's half the colony, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Max breathed.

"River!?"

"River!"

They moved and pushed open every door, no matter if it was a bedroom or an office or anything else. They were going to find their daughter and Alex promised herself that she was going to really try to be the mother that River wanted and deserved. She'd figure out how to hold herself together and no matter what she remembered, she'd be her mother.

When they opened the doors to the school, they found the rest of the colony.

Dead.

Blood and bodies everywhere.

"No," Alex breathed. "No," she said again as she moved into the classroom looking left and right, looking for any sign of River. Her mind raced as she tried to remember what she'd been wearing. Blue, River had been wearing a bright blue long sleeve shirt and black leggings. Her blonde hair had been hanging around her face.

"River? River?" Max kept calling.

She wasn't there.

Alex started to panic. What had she done? She was about to break down when she heard the faintest sound, like crying. She searched for where it was coming from until she saw a body that was up against a corner. As she walked towards it, she noticed a small silver shoe with a sparkly star jutting out. "Oh, River," she breathed and moved the body in one swift movement before pulling River into her arms. Alex was carrying her shaking and sobbing daughter from the room immediately. She stood out in the hallway and waited for Max, who looked so pale.

This was the colony.

This was everyone.

This was everything they worked for.

"We're not safe here," Alex whispered.

"It's gone, isn't it?" River asked through a sob, panic clear in her voice.

"We can't know that."

Max breathed, "Alex-"

"There has to be somewhere we can go."

"Where?"

She didn't know.

"To another colony," Alex rambled and found herself walking towards their bedroom. They could pack things. They could leave. They'd been fine outside. Maybe it was safer or maybe the scrubber they'd made was just better than before. "Somewhere we might be safe...or _safer._ "

"Alex! We can't! It's too far! The next colony is in Star City!" Max said. "I haven't even talked to them in months! They might not be there anymore! How are we going to even get there?"

Alex turned back to him, River held tightly against her. All she wanted to do was run, to try to get somewhere safe. To keep moving forward. How could they stay there? Just the three of them with the White Martian on the loose? Who knows what else was out there? The White Martian might not be working alone...and all she could think about was Non and his followers.

Non.

Myriad.

"I'm not going to lose anyone else, Max! I'm not!" Alex shouted at him as tears threatened to fall. She took River into their room and set her on the bed. She cupped her face and stared into her bright blue eyes. "I'm sorry I haven't been right...that I haven't been your mother since the fever...that's not fair to you, but I promise you...I won't let anyone hurt you."

"We can't do that, Alex!" Max shouted at her.

She kissed River's cheeks and then her forehead before glaring at Max. Alex stomped over to him until they were face to face just inches apart. " _Why_? Because you're _telling me_ that we _can't_? I will do _anything_ to keep our daughter safe! Staying _here_ isn't safe!"

"I made you a promise! I made you both a promise!" Max snapped back. "I've never gone back on my word! I wouldn't be saying that we can't do this unless we really can't! How are we going to get anywhere safely, Alex? We'll be seen if we leave-"

"We have to figure out a way! Make enough scrubber to get us wherever we're going-"

"We're not going, Alex!"

"Why not? Because you're scared-"

"Yes!" Max shouted back. "Because I'm scared!"

The room was suddenly silent.

Alex just stared at him and then softened. "Max-"

"We can't just pack up and go, Alex!" he told her quieter, still angry. "We don't have a mode of transportation. We can't just go on foot. River would never make it. It's too far. The terrain is too difficult for her and with the visibility, especially at night-"

"We could-"

"We need to buckle down, figure out somewhere to hide _inside_ this facility and wait it out...and then, go out and grab a truck or something...something that can get us to Star City or somewhere else without grabbing too much attention."

Alex knew he was right.

"Is there a way to try to contact any of the other colonies?" Alex asked as calmly as she could. She knew that them fighting wasn't going to help anyone and she realized that it was likely only further upsetting River. She looked over to find River curled up on the bed, tucked in, and looking so lost and so small.

"I can try, but I think the three of us are going to have to stay together at all times now, just to be safe," Max said. "We can't take any chances, but we have to be smart...you know that."

And she did.

"I just-"

"Hey," Max whispered as he reached up and cupped her cheek. " _I know_."

Alex huffed out a breath and reached up, cupping his cheek. She was so emotional. There was so much swirling inside of her. She leaned in and kissed him, when Alex pulled back she just stared at him.

"Well…"

"I think I might know a place to hide...if it's still there," Alex said, just thinking of it. "If I'm not confused."

Max gave her a nod. "Let's pack lightly and then grab a blanket and pillow...we'll probably have to stay there for a few days."

"And we should stop by the lab to pick up more scrubber, so that we don't have to venture out for every dose," Alex said. "And some food."

"Pack lightly, Alex, but pack like we're never coming back here again," Max told her as his thumb brushed her cheek.

She knew what he meant.

If they weren't coming back, there were certain things that Alex would want to take with her. Her pictures and her journal. Alex just wished that she had her locket that Kara had given her. She still couldn't believe that it was nowhere to be found. She looked over at River and she felt horrible for thinking about the past...for everything that she was internally grieving for...but she didn't know if she could function and be strong unless she still held those pieces. Like Max had said, Kara was a huge part of her.

Alex sucked in a breath and moved to the wardrobe to pull a bag out. Just the essentials. Not too much, but everything that she needed in case they left and didn't come back. Max moved and started to pack. She just hoped that River understood, in the future, why Alex was acting how she was...and that she'd forgive her.

With bags packed and two pillows and two blankets folded and stacked, they headed out. They had a plan. They'd get what they needed...together...and then they'd go to the spot that Alex just hoped was where she remembered it to be.

* * *

They'd moved through a good portion of the facility and in that time they hadn't seen the White Martian. It had been silent. Alex knew that she should be grateful for that, but it just didn't sit well with her. She was carrying River while Max held onto the pillows and blankets. River had been silent and Alex wasn't sure if that was good or not. She was so little and she'd already been through so much.

It wasn't fair.

Setting River down, she crouched down and pulled the hatch off of a wall. There was a crawlspace that led to a large enough space where the three of them could sit and have enough room to live in for a short period of time. It was a space that was only about four feet by four feet. She peeked in and it looked clear.

"River, you go first, we'll be right behind you," Alex told her.

"I'm scared," River whispered.

Alex looked to Max, she wanted to make sure that the hatch was pulled back into place properly. "Go ahead," Alex said.

"Okay, I'll get things set up," Max told River and gave her a smile before setting the stack in front of him, giving it a push and then crawling in after it.

It took them a few minutes, but eventually they were all into the small space. Max had laid out a blanket and set the two pillows up against one of the walls, the other blanket still folded off to the side. They had set the backpacks to cover the crawlspace and had to tried to keep it as opened as they could.

River sat between them and Alex kissed the side of her head. "How about we read that book we brought?" she suggested. She wanted to do something that would help to soothe River and get her a bit more comfortable. If all else failed, maybe at the very least it would help her to sleep. After everything, Alex was certain that River could do with a nap because she really wanted one.

Max pulled out the book and opened it, but before he could even read the title, there was a loud humming. Everything around them seemed to vibrate. "Wha…"

"What's happening?" River asked. "Are they coming?"

Alex just looked at Max. Had they made the wrong call? Should they not have stayed? Had they just given up everything? "We're going to be _fine_ ," she said evenly and quietly before looking down at River. She pressed a kiss to her forehead. "We're here. We're together. We're going to be safe. Don't you worry."

Though she didn't want River to worry…

...Alex was worried.

What was coming for them?

* * *

TBC…


	3. Who Tells Your Story?

**Author's Note:** Don't forget to follow me on Tumblr (shannyfishwriter) and also, I forget if I've mentioned that this is part of a series that are in the same "Supergirl" canon divergence universe. You don't have to read them together, but I think that by the end of the series, it'll make more sense reading them together.  
 _1) Pieces_  
 _2) The Pipeline_  
 _3) Count Me In_  
 _4) The Not Too Distant Future_  
 _and more to come_  
Thank you to everyone who has been reading and commenting!

* * *

For some time, it was quiet.

The humming and vibrations had subsided.

River had fallen asleep.

It wasn't until the sound of the grate being pulled off that Alex began to worry. The only way out of where they were was _up_. That really wasn't a choice. Alex was certain that she could make it out that way, but not Max (his frame was too large) and not River (she was too small). So, she went to her training, Alex pulled out her weapon and was ready to defend her family. They positioned themselves so that River was behind them.

She was aiming down the crawlspace, but it was quiet. It was as if whoever had pulled it off was rethinking what they were doing. Alex didn't waver, though. She stayed ready and in position. She had made a promise to her daughter and she was going to keep it.

Breathe.

Aim.

Stay ready.

Focus.

Concentrate.

She kept pushing herself to remember her training and to remember everything that she needed to do. She could do this. Alex had been trained to defend herself and to fight aliens. That was what she was doing now.

"Alex?"

She hadn't been prepared for that.

A breath escaped her as a small huff. Tears welled in her eyes and she shook her head. She couldn't believe her ears and she just wanted to cry right there and then. It wasn't true. It was the White Martian. She couldn't be tricked like that.

"Alex? I know you're in there," the voice said gently. "Come out. Please?"

Kara.

Her little sister.

The one that she had grieved over and had missed so dearly...it was Kara's voice. She looked over to Max as tears slid down her face. What did she do? She knew that she had to be strong, but this? This was unimaginable.

"It's not her," Max reminded in a whisper.

"He's _lying_ , Alex," Kara said forcefully.

She had super hearing.

Well, Kara had super hearing.

"Lord's brainwashing you or something."

Alex didn't know how that was possible, but at the same time...her mind was telling her that that was entirely possible and the more she thought about it...the more sense it made. She looked back at River and her heart broke at the possibilities.

Did that mean she didn't have a daughter?

"You saw the journal… What proof can I give you?" Max asked her.

She did have the journal.

It had been written in _her_ hand.

"Why would I brainwash you?"

Alex could think up a handful of reasons, but as she stared at him, she knew that it was none of those. She could read this Max (or so she felt) and she could just see the love in her and concerned about her (about them). But it sounded like _Kara_ … Her mind spun and she knew that if it was the White Martian, then they were trapped. They couldn't just stay there and wait to be slaughtered.

How could they do this?

What was the plan?

She couldn't think.

"Alex?" Kara called. "Alex, please just come out…"

"We don't really have a choice, do we?" Max asked her.

Alex looked back towards River, she was worried. Her daughter had already been through enough. She'd already seen enough blood and enough death. "River…"

"I'll get her," Max assured.

They crawled out of their hiding space and Alex found not only Kara standing there, but J'onn. Kara was dressed as Supergirl and J'onn was dressed in all black as Hank Henshaw. It wasn't them, she reminded herself as she looked at them. She pulled her weapon from where she'd stowed it in the back band of her pants. Her aim was on them, determined to make it safe for Max and River. She wasn't sure how they were going to get out of there, but they were. Her pack was pushed to the edge and she grabbed it and put it on, keeping the gun aimed at them.

"Alex, what are you doing?" J'onn asked.

They looked confused and hurt. Alex wondered if there was any way that they could have their memories. Was that how they knew that those people could be used against her? She wasn't going to let that happen, though. "Stop. Talking."

"Alex," Kara said as she took a step towards her.

"I will shoot you!" Alex threatened.

It wasn't her sister.

Kara looked confused. "Alex, what's wrong?"

"I'm not going to let you kill us like you killed the others!"

"What others?"

"There is no one else in this facility," J'onn added.

Alex knew that this was just a trick. It was all just a trick. She couldn't listen to them. Everything needed to be blocked except for her mission. Her mission right now was to get her family out of there, she'd push past that when they got to that point. Max came out of the crawlspace with River, shouldering his pack as well.

"Lord! What the _hell_ did you do to her?!" J'onn questioned and took a step closer.

Alex focused on him. "Not a step closer!"

"I didn't do anything! You're the one who's done things! You've killed the entire colony and now this?! Playing mind games with my wife!" Max shouted at them.

She didn't miss how they both seemed to take that in.

"Wife?" Kara questioned and cringed. "Is this some kind of twisted fantasy, Max?!"

"It's not a fantasy...it's reality-stop!" Max said. "Stop confusing her! Just let us go! You don't have to kill us like you killed the colony!"

"Daddy, who are these people? Why do they look like people from Mommy's pictures?" River asked.

Alex looked back over her shoulder to look at River, it was the wrong move. In that split second, she was grabbed by the White Martian in Kara's shape and yanked to the other side of the room. "No!" Alex shouted and fought against her hold.

At the same time, the J'onn shaped White Martian had grabbed Max and shoved him up against a wall. "What did you _do_ to her?!"

River was left between them screaming.

"Please," Alex pleaded, tears filling her eyes. She was keeping her eyes on River, making sure the other White Martian didn't touch her daughter. " _Please_!" she cried. "Don't hurt my daughter! _Please, I beg you_...do whatever you want to me, but _don't touch_ her!" She was released and the Kara shaped alien took a step back, her face coloring in confusion and it seemed like sadness.

"Alex, we're _not_ going to hurt you," Kara whispered. "I don't know what you think is going on, but I'm your sister."

"My sister is _dead_!"

Kara seemed confused. "Alex, it's me. It's really me. You've been missing for weeks now… We got a lead on a White Martian and it led us in this direction and then...then J'onn sensed you," Kara said the last part in a whisper. "Don't you remember?"

"Please! Don't kill us!" River kept going on, sobbing and crumpled to the floor.

"Tell us what you DID!" J'onn said as he slammed Max against the wall.

"I didn't! She's my wife! I wouldn't hurt her!" Max shouted.

The J'onn alien flipped her and slammed Max's face against the wall. "Tell us!"

"I-"

"What is this?"

Kara turned away from her and Alex took that as he opening. She ran past her and scooped up River, hold her close and then moving until her back hit a wall so she could keep everyone in eyesight. "It's okay, Baby… It's okay," Alex whispered to River as she ran her hand through her daughter's hair. "I'm going to keep you safe. I promise."

"Mommy, I'm scared," River whispered.

"What are you doing?" Max asked.

Alex's eyes were on her husband and the alien pinning him. She didn't know what she was going to do, but she was going to figure it out. They were going to leave there, all three of them, together. "Don't touch him!" Alex shouted at them.

"There's a device," J'onn spoke up. "What does this device _do_? Let you control Alex?"

"There's no device! She's not being controlled by me!" Max argued.

Alex realized then, she still had her weapon. She'd been moved, but she still had the weapon. The J'onn alien was getting increasingly irritated with Max and she held it tighter in her hand. "Leave him alone!" she shouted and let off a shot. She hit him and her heart broke a little because even though she knew that they were White Martians, it still looked like her friend.

"Alex!" the alien growled at her as he took a step back.

Max let out a scream and she lunged forward to grab him. "Max? Max? Are you okay? Talk to me!" Alex rattled off as she touched his face.

"I'm...I'm," Max stumbled. He kept squinting and looking around confused. "What the hell is this?"

"Max-"

He stared at her and looked even more confused. "Alex," he whispered. "It's not what it seems…"

"What are you talking about?" she asked and then glared past her husband to the alien behind him. "What did you _do_?!"

"Alex!" Max said as he grabbed her and shook her for a moment. "They didn't hurt me… I can just see...clearly." He ran his hands through her hair and Alex just stared at him in confusion. A moment later, he was pulling on something and she let out a cry, her hand going up to her head.

"What are you doing?" River asked from behind them.

In that time, Alex found herself disarmed. Her other hand came up and she just held her head. When she reopened her eyes, she found that their surroundings weren't how she'd remembered. "What?"

"I don't know," Max told her.

"Mommy, please...I'm so scared," River said as she yanked on her jacket.

Alex held River close at her side, an arm wrapped protectively around her.

Kara spoke up, "I am Kara, Alex-"

"No! Aunt Kara is dead!" River shouted. "They're those scary monsters that can look like us!"

"White Martians," Alex whispered as she looked at them. She didn't know what they were doing. She found Max taking her free hand she was having a hard time seeing how they were going to get out of there. How she would keep her promise to River.

"We are not White Martians," Kara said as she took a step towards them. "I'm your sister. I'm not dead-"

"Kara," J'onn said and tapped his pocket.

Alex just kept looking between the two of them. She didn't know what was coming, but something was coming and she needed to be prepared for it. That much she _did_ know. What happened next, made her panic but fill with such joy. The superhero dressed alien yanked a chain out from under her outfit and revealed the pendant that Alex had been looking for. She took a step forward and saw that it had the 'K' on it and not the 'A'. They were good. They really are and it was killing her inside. "No," Alex whispered. "That was my sister's…" Tears filled her eyes and all she could think was that she would have liked that her sister rested in peace _with_ her locket.

"I _am_ your sister and I know how to _prove_ it," Kara told her and held out a hand to the other alien. What Alex had been looking for landed in Kara's hand, _her locket_. "When I gave this to you...it was because you were feeling like you were left out-"

"You're _not_ my sister," Alex said forcefully as some tears fell. She remembered when Kara had given it to her and why. It had been after Kara had pulled her out of a coma after Alex had been in a car accident. " _My sister_ -"

" _You and I_ are the _only ones_ who can open these," Kara said as she closed her palms around the lockets in separate hands at the same time. "It's bound by _DNA_. White Martians can shape shift, but they don't take on DNA." Alex didn't miss the soft click sound before Kara opened her hands to reveal that both were opened and there was a faint glow coming off of them both. "That's why _I_ can open them...because _I'm your sister_ , Alex...and I'm very much _alive_." Kara held out the locket to Alex.

Her hand shook as she pulled her arm away from Max and reached out for it. "Kara?" she whispered as her fingers touched the cool metal of the teardrop shaped pendant. Alex held onto it, running her fingers over it as she stared at the House of El symbol and the photo of them inside. "El-may-arah."

"Stronger _together_."

Alex stared up at Kara and didn't care about how ridiculous she had to look with tears falling down her face. Her sister was alive. Kara was alive. Her arm moved from River and she flung herself into a life crushing (for a human) hug. "Oh, _Kara_ ," she whispered through tears. "You're supposed to be dead...how are you not dead? I don't really care...I'm just glad that you're here. That you're okay," Alex rambled before pulling back and looking Kara over. "You are okay, right? Myriad hasn't done anything to you?"

"Myriad?" Kara questioned, confusion all over her face.

"Non-"

"Mommy! Please!" River cried out. "Please don't be near the bad people!"

Alex looked back over at River. "Sweetheart, it's okay," she said and pulled away from Kara, her locket still firmly gripped in hand. She looked to Max. "They're not dead…"

"You're sure?" Max asked.

She nodded and then it hit her. "Oh my God," she whispered. Alex spun around to look at J'onn and she hurried towards him. She'd shot him in the arm. "J'onn, I'm-"

"It'll heal," J'onn assured and pulled her into a hug. "I'm just glad we found you."

She held onto the fabric of his vest, holding him tight. Maybe she hadn't realized before how much she needed him in her life. J'onn had stepped up and had been the closest to a dad she'd had after her father had been killed all those years ago. "Where have you _been_ all these years?" she whispered.

J'onn pulled back and stared down at her. "Alex, it's been just _four weeks_. We've been looking all over for you."

" _No_ ," Alex said. She was so confused. It didn't make sense. It wasn't four weeks. Flashes were hitting her hard and Alex was feeling sick. "It's been _six years_ -"

"Six years?!" Kara exclaimed.

"This doesn't make sense," Alex whispered as she stepped back to where Max and River were. River grabbed her almost immediately. "It's been six years," Alex repeated.

"Lord, what-"

"I didn't do anything!" Max said quickly. "Are you time travelers or something? It's twenty-twenty-four."

"It's _two thousand sixteen_ ," J'onn ground out.

"No, see...you guys have to like have come through a time-"

"We're in one of Henshaw's old buildings, Alex," J'onn said as he stared right at her. "He used to use this for things he didn't want the rest of the DEO and government to know about. I closed it down twelve years ago." He was quiet for a moment. "Look around, does this look like the DEO?"

"I-" Alex couldn't push out her sentence. She'd noticed that there were hallways that didn't turn in the correct direction and rooms where they weren't and things just weren't right...but she'd been so confused-

"What are you saying?" Max questioned.

"Only a few weeks have passed, not six years," J'onn told him. "I don't know what you think happened-"

"The world ended," Alex said. She was thinking of everything that she'd been told and everything she'd read. "Both of you died...in front of me-"

"You _remember_ that?"

"No…"

"Alex, let us take you _home_ ," J'onn said gently.

"The scrubber," Alex said.

"What's a scrubber?" Kara questioned.

Max was speaking before she could. "It helps us survive the toxins that have been left over in the atmosphere after Non unleashed Myriad...after they destroyed the world."

"You can go outside, Alex...all of you can go outside...it's not going to kill you. There are no toxins. We don't even know what Myriad is yet…"

"I can show you," Alex insisted. "It's in our blood stream. In all of ours." She started down the hallway, she was determined. As she walked, though, Alex noticed that things weren't the same. They weren't as she remembered them. The area that was supposed to hold the garden, there was just soil spread around the floor. Nothing that she remembered seemed real. When she made it to the lab, she found furniture and she found a microscope, but that was it. There was nothing else.

"Alex, there's nothing left," Max whispered.

She looked back at him. "Where did it go?"

"I don't think it was ever here to begin with," Kara said.

"I'm not hallucinating," Alex insisted as she ran her fingers through her hair. She had to prove it to them. She had to show them what she'd seen. She moved forward and grabbed her pack from Max, he'd apparently carried it with him. Setting it on the counter, she started to rummage through it.

"Daddy...Mommy…" River whispered in such a small voice. "I feel sick…"

They both turned to River, Max was the first one to pick her up. She looked pale. "How many doors did you open?" Max asked as he looked back at Kara and J'onn. "Are they _still_ open?!"

"There's nothing wrong with the world outside," Kara insisted.

Alex ignored them and ran her fingers through River's blonde hair after Max set her up on the counter. They were both looking her over. "She shouldn't need another scrubber so soon."

Max grabbed his bag and his gasp caught Alex's attention. "There's no scrubber...it's _gone_."

" _It's not real_!" Kara shouted at them.

"You don't _understand_ ," Alex insisted and looked around, she finally grabbed the knife from her bag and used it on herself. Everyone was shouting at her to stop as she cut her forearm. "We're all infected." She shut them out as she moved to the microscope and wiped a bit of her own blood directly on the blank slide that was already in place.

"That was stupid," Max told her and was immediately wrapping her arm. She didn't know what with and she didn't care. She just had to show them and they had to figure out how to get River help.

Alex lit up the sample and peered into the eyepiece. "No," she whispered. "There's something wrong with this microscope-"

"Sweetheart, there's not a lot that can go wrong with these things," Max said and nudged her aside and took his turn at the microscope eyepiece. "That's not right…"

"I told you," Alex said upset.

"Whatever was at the base of your skull must have had you seeing things, something programmed," J'onn said slowly.

"I still don't feel good," River whined weakly.

"If it's not there, then why is River sick?" Alex asked, mostly to Max.

"Maybe she has one of those things on her," Max suggested. He was moving his hands through her hair and found it. "It's going to sting," he warned before he removed it. River let out a scream, but Max comforted her until she calmed down. "Do you feel better?"

"I want us to go home," River requested.

Alex just stared at River for a long moment before looking at Max. "Nothing makes sense."

River got herself down and clung to Max's leg. "We were going to go away…"

"We're going to all go back to the DEO," J'onn said. "We'll run full medical tests and figure out things there."

Kara moved to Alex's side, holding the cloth over her wound as Max had before he'd moved to River's side. "She's not yours, Alex, you know that right?" Kara whispered.

Alex thought about that. It crushed her. She'd thought about it before, but now it was even harder because Kara and J'onn were making it all true. Had they all been brainwashed? Was that what had happened? She didn't know. All she knew was that she didn't feel prepared for what was going on.

"She _is_ my mommy!" River shouted. "Why are you ruining everything?!" Within a blink, her daughter was running out of what Alex remembered to be the lab.

J'onn was out the door before she was.

"River!" Alex called.

They were all chasing after River. Turning hallways and Alex kept thinking of how it had been before. The bedrooms. The kitchen. The dining hall. The common areas. The garden. The school. Storage. None of that was there. It hadn't been real. This wasn't the DEO.

A door slammed shut, separating Alex from J'onn and River. She slammed on it and tried to break it open. It wasn't budging. She could hear a clatter inside. "River!" she screamed and she realized Max was right there with her.

"Step back," Kara said and pulled off the door a moment later.

Inside, they found J'onn in all of his full Green Martian glory fighting a White Martian. Alex just looked for River. "Alex, get back," Max said as he yanked her back just in time to avoid being thrown against the hall wall with the White Martian.

J'onn came charging out, his hand on the White Martian's throat. "It's not what it seems," J'onn practically growled as he looked towards them. "I'm sorry, Alex."

She didn't understand.

Before their eyes, the White Martian transformed. It wasn't a form that Alex expected to see. The White Martian turned into her daughter, into River. Her hand struggling, as if she were trying to read her. "River," she whispered. "Don't hurt her...please," Alex begged, but this time it was different than before.

It had hit her all of the sudden.

In flashes.

She realized that every time that the White Martian had been in the colony, River hadn't been with them. They'd always found River when the White Martian had disappeared. River had never been a victim of injury. The mood flashes with River. All of the black outs and the moments that just didn't make sense.

It wasn't just that, she realized.

The nightmares...the dreams...she realized had all been memories that had been trying to force themselves to the surface. Alex didn't remember being taken, but she remembered being in that dark cell and being thankful that she hadn't been alone...that Max had been there as well. This was all a plan. Why, Alex didn't know, but it was scaring her the more she thought about it. The journal, it had to have been her writing the whole thing but under some kind of hypnosis or with the use of the mind control. Whatever it was, Alex didn't know what to believe...it was going to be hard figuring out where to pick up her life.

There was a roar, which snapped her back to reality.

It changed back into the form of a White Martian and pushed J'onn back, it came at her and Kara, slashing at them. Alex fell back and cried out in pain, her thigh had been slashed and she could see that Kara had been cut as well but on her upper arm. Max was moving towards her and then helped her up.

J'onn ran back towards the White Martian, pinning it against the wall once more. Like before, it morphed back into the form of River Danvers. Alex knew that this was what had to be done. It was a White Martian, it wasn't a human child. It wasn't even a child like Kara had been...it was an alien that had manipulated them and had attacked them.

"It's damaged," J'onn said.

" _Please_ ," she whispered. Alex understood that River wasn't River...that beautiful blonde haired blue eyed little girl who had reminded her so much of Kara, she wasn't her daughter...or even a little girl...she...it...whatever it was...was a White Martian. It broke Alex's heart in so many different ways. No matter, all she could see was _her_ little girl. The little girl that she'd failed for all these weeks...the little girl that she'd promised to keep safe.

Instead of killing the White Martian, J'onn just waited until it passed out. It was so hard for Alex to watch, but she couldn't look away. When the tiny body fell to the floor into a crumpled pile, Alex stifled a sob and looked away. She took a couple of steps and told herself to breathe.

"Alex," Kara whispered and her hand fell to her shoulder.

Alex covered Kara's hand with her own, but didn't turn. She pulled her hand away and took the moment to put her locket on. She didn't want to risk losing it and she wanted it there to remind her exactly where she was. She was so confused and so...she wasn't even sure what she was. It was too much.

"Four weeks?" Alex asked quietly.

Kara didn't answer right away. "Yeah, four weeks."

"I don't understand…"

"We'll figure it out," Kara assured. "Together."

* * *

"Can I sit here?"

"Sure," she whispered, not looking at him.

"I know it's stupid of me to ask, but how are you doing?"

Alex looked at him and though she was upset, she spoke gently. "It's okay, Max. We're not married. The world hasn't ended. You don't have to worry about me. I'm not your problem-"

"Stop."

And she did.

Alex didn't know why, but she did. Maybe it was because he'd said it so quietly or maybe it was how he was looking at her. His hand came up and cupped her cheek. "I just want to see if you're okay."

"No." Alex waited a beat. "Are you?"

"No."

"We lost a month."

"I don't know that I'd actually consider it a loss," Max told her with a small smile.

She blushed for a moment when she realized what he meant and then looked away. It was so weird to have been in that virtual reality of life and then to be back at the DEO, where she belonged. J'onn, Kara, and her mother were all alive. She had a job, a job that she loved and was good at. They gave her a purpose. When she looked back at Max, though, she realized that there were parts of her that didn't want to give up that life...the life that had been made up.

"Why do you think it chose _us_?" Alex asked.

He shrugged. "I asked your friend that question. He said that it's got some kind of sickness, like it's mutated or something. I was only half understanding...I think because of the shock of everything...and all I can think is that it wanted a home...it wanted a family."

"It wanted to be loved."

But why pick them? They weren't even together at the time and she and Max weren't really on the best of terms. Alex saw that aliens could be good and that they could live with humans while Max saw it as a black and white war. Why pick them? She knew that she couldn't dwell on it because the fact was, they might never get answers.

"Yeah," he said gently. "I don't think it was counting on how much you would grieve the loss of people that you cared about. That you would fight giving up your past."

"They're my _family_ ," Alex said. "And Kara-"

"She's a good person."

Alex looked at him with a bit of surprise. "She is," she responded after a moment. "She really is."

"I don't want you to worry," Max said as he reached out and placed a hand over hers. "We're going to figure out a cover story. Maybe Supergirl can even be the hero of it. There won't be anything about the DEO or J'onn J'onzz or anything negative about your family…"

It was unexpected, but she appreciated it. Alex blinked for a moment. "Thank you."

"Is it okay if I just sit here with you for awhile?" Max asked gently. "At least until your sister or J'onn drags me away?" There was a quick pause before he asked another question. "J'onn J'onzz, he does know that he's your boss, right? There was a lot of judgemental glaring directed my way whenever I touched you on the way in."

Alex smirked. "You might not want to point that out to him." She was quiet and looked down for a moment at their hands before looking up at him again. "He made a promise to my dad when he was dying that he'd protect us…"

"So, half your family is made up of aliens?"

"Pretty much."

"Me hating aliens, especially family related ones, that's a deal breaker isn't it?"

Alex eyed him for a long moment. " _Max_ ," she whispered gently. "You and I-"

"Can we not finish that sentence today? I'm still wheeling from the fact that our daughter...isn't our daughter...and in fact, a White Martian that has been brainwashing us for the last four weeks," Max said in a defeated whisper. "I just...you and I...we were _good_ , weren't we?"

"Besides when I sounded like a crazy person?"

"I never said you were a crazy person."

"Thought it?"

Max tilted his head to the side with a smile. "You were a _breathtakingly gorgeous_ crazy person."

"You're really still flirting?"

"I can't stop."

Alex had to look away from him, he was cheering her up. She turned her hand, so that it was palm up, and took ahold of his hand and just held it. The two of them just sitting there in silence together. Right now, it was enough.

* * *

"How's your leg?"

"How's your arm?"

Kara just smirked at that response. "It actually hurts, if that makes you feel any better…"

Alex looked at her sister, worried. "No, actually...that just worries me. You should be healing. Why-"

"J'onn has the doctors looking into it, I'm sure it's nothing," Kara brushed off.

It wasn't so easily brushed off in Alex's mind. Maybe it was just because she wanted something else to concentrate on. She kept dwelling on everything that had happened and she just didn't want to. It was something she thought that she might actually want to _forget_...her heart just hurt and was so heavy.

"Do you want to talk?" Kara asked quietly.

Alex knew that everyone wanted to be there, even Max, but it was too hard. She still couldn't quite come to grips with it all. She'd woken up in the 'colony' and thought that she'd lost eight years of memories, once she'd accepted it...it seemed like that life had been ripped from her and she'd been told that everything she'd finally accepted was a lie.

Everything.

Feelings too.

"Whenever I looked at her, I would see you," Alex whispered as she looked away from Kara. Her sister was going to worry until she talked to her, even if it was something small. "Even though I never got to see you when you were that small, there were so many things that reminded me of you...and her name was River Kara Danvers...because I couldn't live in a world where Kara Danvers didn't exist…"

"River Danvers sounds so much better than River Lord," Kara pointed out.

Alex allowed herself a small smile at that. "That apparently was the idea."

"I looked over that journal you showed me," Kara said gently. "I see how you were convinced...and I don't know how I can ever quite understand what that was like for you, Alex." She was quiet for a moment. "All I can tell you for sure is that I don't want to lose you...I thought you were lost to me for four weeks...and the world needs Alex Danvers just as much as it needs Supergirl."

That wasn't true.

Alex looked over at her. "I'm not a hero."

"But you _are_...and you're _my sister_... _my family_...and I will always _need you_."

Alex allowed her head to drop to Kara's shoulder as they sat there together. "I was thinking about going to see Mom."

"She'll come here, if you'd rather-"

"No," Alex whispered. "I want to go home...see the house...be in Midvale."

"I could arrange time off-"

"We both know that Cat Grant is more likely to fire you than give you time off to go home with me," Alex said gently and put her arm around her sister and squeezed her. "It's okay. You can always visit after work."

"I know, I just wish that I could be there for you…"

"You are," Alex assured. She reached up and held onto her locket. "You're always in my heart, Kara. Nothing can ever take that away from me."

"Are you going to be okay?"

It was a valid question.

It was also the question that everyone wanted to know. The truth was, she didn't know. She sighed, "Right now, I'm just concentrating on getting out of here. I've been around similar walls for so many weeks. I think I just want to go and sleep in my own bed tonight."

"You know, I could fly you to Midvale."

Alex smiled at that. "Or you could drive with me and fly home."

"That too."

"It's been a long time since we flew."

"Well, we've been following the rules," Kara pointed out.

"Sometimes it's not so horrible if we break them."

Kara gave a little laugh.

"What?"

"I'm pretty sure J'onn has a list of all of the times you've broken rules since I've come out as Supergirl," Kara teased. "I think it's in double digits."

"I suppose it's a good thing he likes me."

"I'm pretty sure you're his favorite."

Alex squeezed Kara. "He doesn't have favorites."

"Oh I do."

They both looked towards the door and Alex smiled. "You do not," she argued gently.

"I have favorites," J'onn insisted as he moved towards them. "Kara is my favorite Kryptonian and Alex is my favorite human."

"Well played."

He just smiled. "You are _both_ my daughters and _both_ my favorite."

Alex knew this and she was glad that during the time she'd been missing that Kara had had J'onn. There was some comfort in knowing that Kara wasn't alone, that she had family. J'onn probably more than anyone understood her best. They were both aliens and had both lost their worlds and were just trying to fit in.

"You wouldn't happen to be here to tell us we could go, would you?" Alex asked hopefully. Even though the DEO normally felt like a second home to her, she felt like she needed to get out...that she needed fresh air and something that wasn't _as_ familiar (at least over the last couple of years).

"I'm afraid not, they're still running scans on both of you, they're concerned about the injuries you both sustained, especially since Kara's is not healing," J'onn said matter of factly.

Alex smacked Kara's arm. "See, I told you it was something to be concerned about."

Kara just rolled her eyes in response. "It's fine. We'll be fine."

She just wished that she wasn't so helpless at the moment. She wanted to be able to get up and walk around, but she'd been asked to stay put. "What about Max?" Alex asked J'onn. She knew that neither one of them liked him, but he was as much a victim in all of this as she was.

"I just had him escorted back to his penthouse," J'onn said. "Though, he really didn't _want_ to leave."

"He's having a hard time."

"So are you."

Alex nodded in response before sucking in a breath. "I want to take time off."

J'onn didn't say anything at first. He seemed a little shocked, but then as if he were thinking it over. "We're here for you. Anything you need."

"As soon as I'm cleared, I just want to go home...to Midvale. Just for a few days," Alex said. She hoped that he and Kara understood. She just needed to be away from the DEO and National City. She needed time to think. She needed time to figure out her feelings.

"Anything you need, Alex."

"Thanks."

J'onn stood there for a moment with his hands on his hips, both girls just staring at him. "Okay, I'll go loom over the doctors for results," he said before heading out.

Kara burst out into laughter once he was out of the room and put her arm around her sister, but this time it was her head on Alex's shoulder. "You're still his favorite."

Alex just shook her head. "Don't be jealous," she teased nowhere near seriously.

* * *

"Alex? Kara?"

J'onn was waking them, they had fallen asleep in the chairs apparently. Kara's head was in her lap when Alex opened her eyes. She sighed and looked up at him. "We can go?"

"No," he said gently and crouched down in front of them.

Kara blinked and then sat up straight.

Alex was immediately waiting for whatever he was going to say. It sounded bad. Or at least it wasn't good news. It wasn't that she was going to be in Midvale for dinner. "What is it?"

"The cuts that you both sustained are infected, the doctors don't know if it's just a virus or if it's more like a poison."

"Because it's alien?" Alex questioned. She rubbed her face. "Maybe I could look at it."

"They think they might have come up with a treatment," J'onn said quickly.

"Then...what's the problem?" Kara asked. "Because you have the 'problem' face going on."

He was quiet for a moment. "They don't know if it'll work...and if it does work, they don't know if you could endure it, Alex," he said gently.

Silence.

It was then that she realized that her thigh, where she'd been sliced, it hurt. Was it because of what J'onn had just said? In her head? Or was it justified? But then she saw Kara's arm. Her suit was still sliced, but her wound had been cleaned and covered. "Kara," she whispered and reached out to pull the fabric back. Small bright red blisters that almost looked like crystals were spreading around the bandaged area. Was that what she had too? Was that why her thigh hurt?

"What's the treatment?"

"A specialized radiation," J'onn explained. "Apparently painful."

Alex dropped her head into her hands. Of course. They couldn't have anything easy. At this point, she didn't care. Maybe it was because she was exhausted or maybe it was the confusion that still plagued her. Whatever it was, Alex really didn't even care right now.

"I'll do it."

"Kara, no," Alex said quickly as she looked back to her sister. "It might not work, it could hurt you and-"

"And right now, it's all we have...and I can feel it, Alex. If I can feel it, I can't imagine the pain you're in," Kara said gently. "I'm not healing, you said that was a problem and something to be worried about. If it works for me, maybe they can figure out a way to help you that wouldn't be so dangerous…"

"What if we don't do the treatment?"

"Alex!"

"I want to know," Alex told her sister gently as she took Kara's hand in her own. Her eyes turned to J'onn's.

J'onn was quiet and it was clear that this was causing him pain. "I don't know," he said sincerely and sadly.

The unknown.

None of them liked it.

"It's spreading," Alex stated. Her mind going into scientist mode. "There's pain-"

"Alex," Kara whispered. "Just let me do it…"

"I don't even think that the White Martian realizes that they're spreading this illness," J'onn added.

* * *

"You have to stay here, Alex."

That broke her heart. Her heart was already so broken as it was, this was just almost too much. Kara turned to her and they hugged hard for a long moment. "Don't worry," Kara whispered into her ear. "We're going to be okay. You'll be with me and I'll be with you, Alex. We are never alone."

Alex knew that was true, but she felt like everything had just been taken away from her...and then some of it given back...and she just wanted to sit in the corner and cry until it all made sense. She wasn't one who got very emotional in life, there were few things...few people who had that effect on her...Kara and J'onn were two of those people. She couldn't imagine her life without them. "Okay," she finally whispered as she cupped Kara's face and looked at her for a long moment. Lifting herself up on her toes, she pressed a kiss to Kara's forehead. "Come back to me."

"I will."

They were gone and the door was shut, keeping Alex in. It wasn't locked, but she didn't know if they feared that whatever they had been exposed to could be contagious. So far, she hadn't seen any contamination procedures being followed. Maybe they'd declared it as only passed by blood stream or-

"Alex?"

Blinking, Alex turned back to the door. Looking through the glass door, she found Max standing there looking back at her. Hadn't J'onn said he'd gone home? "Max? What are you doing here?" she asked in quiet confusion.

He replied in equal confusion, but was gentle in his words. "You didn't text me or call me-"

"What?"

"I wanted to make sure you were okay."

When he went to open the door, she grabbed the door handle and held it. "No, wait."

Max blinked at her, confused. "Alex-"

"Kara and I were exposed to something...I don't know if it's contagious...but I would rather not risk it," she told him gently. "They just took Kara to try a treatment."

"What kind of contagion?" he questioned.

Alex knew well enough that he wanted details and he would start going over everything in his head. "Max-"

"Tell me, Alex."

"I don't know," she admitted. "It spreads...looks like red crystals...they took Kara for some kind of radiation treatment." Her eyes were on Max and she wished that they could be sitting together in that moment. Whatever had happened over the last four weeks, her missing Max had come with it. He had been such a comfort to her. Alex's sob caught in her throat and she fought tears. There had been enough crying and enough tears. "They don't know if it'll work for me." That wasn't entirely true, but Alex didn't really want to think of all the details.

Her hand pressed against the glass and she smiled when his hand pressed against hers from the other side. "You're not telling me something," Max whispered.

"Can you just stay with me?" she asked. "Just sit outside the door while we wait for them to come back?"

"Alex-"

" _Please_?"

"As long as you keep talking to me," Max said and immediately sat with his back to the door.

Alex did the same and sat there in silence for a breath. "What are we talking about?" she asked as she stared up at the ceiling. She was trying not to think about Kara and how dangerous the radiation treatment sounded. Kara might be Kryptonian, but that didn't mean that she was indestructible.

"What are you thinking about right now? Kara?"

Smiling at that, she nodded and then realized she was facing away. "Yes. It's so weird… I'm still grasping to the fact that she's alive, that it was all a lie."

"Not all of it."

"What?"

"You were going to make me a believer of Kara Danvers...of Supergirl," Max prompted.

She was certain that that's not what he'd actually said. Alex let it go. There was so much else going on in her head that she didn't even add something else to it. "Kara's possibly the most pure heart on this world."

"Those are words you don't often hear...unless it's some kind of King Arthur movie."

Alex smiled at that, he sounded more like the Max she was used to. "I know my sister like I know my own mind, you will never find someone as trusting and as kind," Alex assured. "She came to Earth was a mission...and when that mission wasn't necessary anymore...all she wanted to do was make a difference...and all we told her to do was to hide...to fit in."

"She was a little girl."

"That didn't matter," Alex said. "When we were kids, there was a car crash near where we were on the beach. Kara's first reaction was to run towards it. Fire and all. She went in and saved the woman and her baby. She didn't even blink or consider herself getting hurt or being exposed to the world."

"There are others out there…"

"And they all hate her," Alex explained gently. "Kara's mother was who sentenced them all to Fort Rozz. So, since she's not here-"

"They hate your sister in her place."

Maybe Max _was_ getting it.

"They aren't all bad either, some have reformed...they were put away for smaller infractions," Alex told him. "Like any prison." They'd run into a Fort Rozz criminal who was teaching at university and was completely harmless. He had dedicated his new life to teaching and he was making a difference.

"But you just let them...go?"

"We keep tabs."

"Don't you think the public should know?"

"Like a registry?"

"Something like that."

Alex sighed and shook her head. "I'm not saying that there shouldn't be certain public registries for people like sex offenders or violent offenders, but they're just from another planet." She paused for a moment. "We already have enough labels in this world. Black. White. Asian. Indian. Native. Female. Male. Straight. Gay. Transexual. Asexual. Single. Married. Divorced. Widowed. Disabled. I could go on...but I think you get it. Do you really think that we need to put another label like that out into the world? Can't we just all be people and work towards peace?"

"While you wage war behind the scenes?"

"I wouldn't call it waging war, we're just tracking down hostiles."

"I get what you're saying, Alex, I do, but the world is far more complicated than I think any of us would like."

"Does this mean I haven't convinced you?"

"Oh, you still have plenty of time to do it...you're not getting rid of me that easily-"

"I thought you left?" Kara's voice questioned.

Alex was immediately on her feet. Her palms against the glass of the door as she looked over her sister from that side of the glass. "How are you? Are you okay?"

"Hardly even felt it," Kara told her. "All better...and healing kicked in, so you know I'm fine."

Max was on his feet. "I want to look it over before you try it on Alex," he insisted. "Maybe I can adjust something or-"

"I would appreciate any help you could provide," J'onn said without even arguing.

* * *

It was terrifying.

Being strapped down.

Being covered so that the only exposed part of her body was the infected area. Alex felt the weight of it all was going to suffocate her. Max and J'onn had both insisted that she have something to help with the pain because if Kara could even slightly feel it, they felt like it was going to be too much for her. All Alex was concerned about in that moment was making it out of that chamber alive so that she could hug her sister and then go home and hug her mother.

At first, it just burned a little. It wasn't anything that Alex couldn't handle. That lasted for a few moments before the pain grew. It morphed into a feeling of sharp stabbing pain. Alex had a fairly high threshold for pain, but as the pain continued and there was a heat to it, she couldn't remain quiet. She cried out, not caring who heard. It hadn't taken long for Kara, but she was Kryptonian, her natural healing would have kicked in at some point. Max was in there and he was overseeing things and making sure that they were approaching things in a way that would hopefully kill the infection and not kill her.

It was excruciating and all she could hear were her own screams echoing.

Eventually it was too much. Unendurable. She blacked out and she happily accepted it.

* * *

"You can't be serious."

"Have you even watched the show?"

"It's pretty much the only show I've watched in the last couple of years."

"You don't live under a rock."

"I'm a dedicated man."

"I save the city _and_ work for Cat Grant...and even _I_ have time to juggle my DVR and Netflix queues."

"Quieter," Alex whispered. Slowly, she opened her eyes, remembering why she was listening to Kara and Max argue. It was a reality she needed to come to terms with. It seemed so silly for that to be odd, but she'd _just_ accepted the 'future' reality a week and a half before. She was at the DEO, she reminded herself. Alex could recall everything that had happened, she knew why she was there. She just didn't know why she had Kara and Max arguing at her bedside.

"Alex!" Kara exclaimed and turned in her chair, grabbing her hand in hers. "You're awake."

"I wasn't going to leave you," Alex whispered as she squeezed her sister's hand as she stared up at her. "I didn't die...so that's a good thing, right?"

"You're going to exhausted and the affected skin is going to be blistered before new skin replaces it, but I wasn't losing you," Max informed her. "You're going to be fine though."

"Max adjusted it...I know it was still painful-"

"I blacked out, so it was fine," she brushed off.

"You have a scarily high pain tolerance level," Max commented.

"She's a badass DEO agent," Kara told him.

Alex just smiled at them. She was just happy that the two of them weren't going at it, at least not in a nasty sort of way. "Does this mean we can all be friends?"

"Are you running a fever?" her sister teased as she used the back of her hand to feel Alex's forehead and then cheeks.

Max just laughed and stepped back. "We'll get there...eventually."

"How long do I have to stay here?" Alex asked Kara.

Kara was making a face, one that told Alex that her sister wasn't happy about something. "The doctors said that they'd like you to stay overnight, but J'onn said that if you wanted...that you could go to Midvale...after all, Eliza will be there to take care of you."

Normally, Alex would stick with the DEO doctors and stay overnight instead of having to deal with her mother fussing over her, but not after everything that had happened. She was beyond done with the world and her life there at the DEO and National City, she just needed space. Alex needed her mom. "Midvale," Alex told Kara. "I don't have a bag, though."

"I can go pack you something if you tell me how long you're going to be gone," Kara offered.

"I don't know."

Her sister didn't respond right away. "Okay. I'll pack for a week," Kara said firmly. "And then if you need anything else, I can bring it out to you."

Alex could tell that it was killing Kara that she'd gotten her back and now she was going. She wouldn't be far, especially for Kara. It just wasn't going to be the same. It wasn't going to be hugs and couches and arguing over what to watch and eating whatever Kara was craving. It wasn't going to be switching ice cream pints. "I won't be far…"

"I know," Kara said quietly.

"The DEO can survive a week without you, too," Alex told her. "Just come home after work."

"Isn't she on call?" Max butted in.

Alex glared at him lightly. "She can fly." She just didn't want her sister to think that she was distancing herself from _her_. That's not what Alex wanted. If Kara could get time off from CatCo, then she'd insist that Kara take at least a week off with her. That just wasn't possible. Alex just needed to get away and home seemed like the best place. It was far enough, but not too far...just in case.

"You going to be okay with him while I get your bag?" Kara asked.

"Yeah," Alex said with a smile.

"Convince him that he's wrong, that the best part of 'Killjoys' is the relationship between Dutch and the boys while I'm gone?"

So, that's what they were talking about. "I'll work on it. He's a bit stubborn, though." Kara was gone and Max took her place at Alex's bedside. Alex wanted to get out of bed, but she really didn't have the strength, especially because she felt like it was going to involve arguing with Max over whether or not she should be doing it. "Have you even watched the entire season?"

"What?"

"'Killoys'," Alex prompted.

"Oh," Max said and leaned forward, running his fingers along the top of her hand. "Only the first two episodes and I was really only listening."

Alex rolled her eyes and smiled.

"I was busy...and in my brain, it's even more fuzzy because that was eight years ago."

It still sort of felt like that to her, too.

"Am I really going to be okay?"

"I told you, I wasn't going to lose you, Alex."

He was staring at her with those blue eyes and Alex had to make herself look away. Those four weeks together, being forced to pretend that they were married...that they had been married...it was still affecting them both. Alex didn't know what to think of it. Were they real feelings? Were they developing? Or were they forced? Was it something that would fall away on its own over time?

"Max-"

"I don't want to hear anything about us right now," Max said quickly as he kissed her hand.

He was so gentle and sweet. Alex knew that he deserved time, just like she did. She lay there, both of them in silence for some time. She was waiting until she felt better. J'onn had already come in to tell them that Kara would be delayed because of about six different things that needed to be handled in National City.

She started to push back the sheet covering her, feeling like she could actually move and possibly walk. Alex knew for sure that she really needed a couple of days where she could just rest and sleep as much as her body would allow. Max stopped her and she just stared up into his eyes. "Please, just help me?" she requested. "Right now, I need my husband."

Max seemed to stop and think for just a moment before fussing again, helping her up into a sitting position. "Kara's not back yet-"

"You're going to hand me my clothes, so I can get dressed," Alex told him. "I already saw the extra set from my locker on the other chair." She always kept at least one spare set of black clothes, just in case. "And then you're going to go with me down to The Pipeline."

"I'm starting to worry about your head-"

Alex grabbed his shoulders, steadying herself as much as keeping him still. She wanted him to be looking directly at her when she said this. "I need to see her...before I go. I need to make sure that she's safe down there."

"You're talking about the prison...the White Martian…"

"I know she's not our daughter," Alex said gently. "But I can't stop seeing her pinned to the wall by J'onn. I can't forget that I promised her that I'd keep her safe." She looked away from him for a moment. Was she messed up? Was that whole idea still messed up? "I just…"

"She's not well," Max said. "That's what J'onn said. I think one of the scientists commented that there's a whole slew of genetic differences from another one you have in custody."

"I know it might sound-"

"No, I get it." He sighed and then used a finger to turn her head back until she was looking at him again. "Just promise me something?"

"What?"

"I know you're going to go and get some space...think...be with your mom," Max rattled off. "Take a cell phone with you. Call me...or text me...e-mail me...I don't care what form of communication you favor...just don't shut me out."

"What if it's an emoji?"

"I'm really not going to be picky. I just want to know that you're still alive and that you're okay," Max told her sincerely. He cared about her, Alex knew that. "If you need to talk, I'll listen. When you get back, I hope we can talk about everything...figure things out."

Alex was going to argue that there really wasn't anything to figure out since they weren't actually married, but she knew what he meant. He wanted to check in, see where emotions sat, and to see if there was anything that remained between them. "Okay," was all she whispered.

"You know these glass walls really don't help with privacy," Max pointed out as he moved to grab the stack of clothes and running shoes. He set them on the bed next to her.

"There's a curtain," Alex pointed out as she pointed above her bed.

"Right."

* * *

The walk to The Pipeline took a lot longer than she'd expected or what she was used to. Max was at her arm, but Alex didn't even care. She was still weak and recovering. It was actually more surprising that J'onn hadn't said anything when he'd asked what they were doing and where they were going. He could read minds, though, so Alex had just chalked it up to him understanding or realizing why she needed to do it.

"This is what my part was for, wasn't it?"

"Yes," Alex told him.

"Who designed it?"

"Well, it's massively Fort Rozz, but Cisco Ramon of STAR Labs in Central City."

She didn't miss the face Max made, it was almost like a cringe. "That lab has such a bad reputation, I can't believe the DEO would have utilized it in any way."

"Jealous?"

"No," Max told her quickly. "Not remotely."

She could see him taking it all in. It was a wide range of emotions that colored his face. Interest. Wonder. Intrigue. Amusement. Disgust. They'd rehomed all of their detainees to The Pipeline and so far, it had held without any issues. "She should be up here near the other White Martian."

"The one who impersonated the senator?"

"Yeah, that one."

They stopped when they came in front of the cell in question. The White Martian that had basically mind controlled them for the last month was still in the form of a small girl. Alex was having a hard time, but she kept reminding herself that it wasn't her daughter...that it was a White Martian and that it needed to be there.

"Mommy! Daddy!" River cried as she banged on the glass door that held her in the cell. "Please help me."

Tears sprang forth and Alex didn't stop them. She crouched down so that she was at the same level as the White Martian. "We are helping you," Alex told her. "I promised you that I wouldn't let anyone hurt you. You're going to be safe here."

"I don't want to stay here!"

"You have to!" Max shouted at the White Martian.

Alex jumped just slightly in response. She straightened up and moved to his side, slipping her hand into his. "We should go," Alex told him. She'd seen her. Alex knew that the White Martian was safe and that the world was safe from it. They'd make sure of it. Maybe they could even find a way to help it.

"They ruined everything!" River shouted as they walked away. Alex didn't look back. "Kara Danvers and J'onn J'onzz are going to be the first that I kill when I get out of here!" she yelled hysterically as she pounded against the door the entire time.

They just kept walking.

* * *

The trip to Midvale ended up being entirely composed of her sleeping while J'onn drove (he'd insisted) and Kara had sat up front with him. Alex had thought that it was odd, but Kara had insisted, wanting to be right there with her the entire time. J'onn had carried her into the house, but she'd woken up once he'd gotten to the stairs. She supposed it was really going to be nicer now that her mother understood what had happened to her father and about J'onn.

They'd said their goodbyes and Alex had been left alone to unpack. Her mother had insisted on making something even though Alex had told her that she wasn't hungry. There was going to be soup, Alex was certain that there was going to be soup. She really didn't want soup.

As she finished putting the last of her clothes away that Kara had packed for her, she went back to fold up the bag and stow it out of the way, but found something in the bottom of the bag that had been hidden by the bag's color and the shadows. She picked it up and held it, just staring down at it. It was a blue book, a journal. It looked like River Song's journal from 'Doctor Who'. She was going to drop it back into the bag, but then she opened it and read what was written on the first page.

 _Alex-_

 _I can't come with you. I want to, but we both need our time and space. You need to think and I need to think. You're going to keep in contact, though, you promised. I know that the last journal you had to write in wasn't the truth, but I think that the reason for it...at least as far as the story was fed was a good reason. Write everything you're feeling. That story version of you, the future one, she had lost her world. You might not have lost it, but it has to feel like it's crumbling or spiraling. I know you, Alex. I know you like control. Write down your thoughts. Most of all, don't let River Tam or River Song be ruined for you. You tell your story. Tell the story that few others will know._

 _\- Max_

There was a light knock at the door and she set the journal off to the side on the nightstand before throwing the bag to the chair. Her mother opened the door and was carrying things that Alex wasn't prepared to see. "I know that you don't like the soup that I think is good for you and the other day, I was at the store and just felt the need to pick this up-"

"None of that is anything that you eat."

"I know," Eliza said as she set the tray down on the bed in front of Alex. She'd brought her a ready to eat chicken cup of noodles, cheese crackers with peanut butter, a wrapped pop tart, two fruit roll ups, a can of her favorite soda, and a water bottle. "But I knew that you'd be home."

Alex carefully got up from the bed and hugged her mother. She just held onto her. "Thank you," she whispered. It was such a sweet thing to do. Alex knew that her mother was doing it because even if it wasn't the healthiest foods or snacks, it was what would make Alex feel better. "I love you."

"I love you, too, Sweetheart. I love you, too."

She closed her eyes and just held onto her mother. Alex was certain that J'onn and Kara had given her at least the basics of what had happened and why she'd been missing for four weeks. Right now, all she wanted was for her mother to hug her...for Alex to feel like she was finally home.

And she was.

* * *

The End.


End file.
